


Love and Fear

by elliechlodine



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dina is kind of an asshole, Drug Use, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Heavy Angst, also she's not a useless lesbian, and Ellie has a drug problem, english isn't my first language, philandering Ellie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26376949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elliechlodine/pseuds/elliechlodine
Summary: An AU where Dina is a popular, almost perfect student and Ellie is a broken mess. They can't stand each other, but always end up hooking upWarning: this story relies a lot on sex
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 185
Kudos: 641





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'd like to say a few things: This is my first fic and english is not my native language. Also, what I know from US universities I learned on movies and TV shows, so If I write something stupid please have some patience. There will be a heavy drug abuse on this fic. Please be aware of it! I'm still trying to decide if there will be smut or not.. do you guys want it? Please give me some feedback so I can decide if I'll keep writing this fic or not. Right now I'm still not sure LOL. Thanks!

Dina walked to her dorm after her morning run beyond furious with herself and the universe. It all seemed like a bad joke. On the way she almost begged to be hitted by a car. It didn’t happen, unfortunately. Honestly, she was the one to blame. Maybe if she had worked harder on that stupid essay, like she always does, she wouldn’t have gotten such a bad grade. 

But no. 

For the first time in her life she neglected her studies to do something fun - but not like watching a stupid movie on Netflix with Jesse and Ashley - and now she was facing the worst possible consequence.

She kissed Ellie Williams. She kissed Ellie Williams because she went alone to a random party to drink out her disappointment over her grade, when she saw that she was alone with her in a bedroom. She was looking for a way out, honestly. But Ellie was there all alone looking hot and Dina was wasted. Before she knew what was happening, they were kissing. 

She couldn’t remember how it started but she was sure it was the other girl. Dina would never make a move to kiss a girl like Ellie Williams, not even high on heroin or something like that. Fuck, they were probably going to hook up if it wasn’t for someone knocking on the door, causing Dina to sprint out of the room, ‘cause by the time that happened Ellie’s hands were making their way under her shirt and Dina’s hands were on Ellie’s thighs, but she didn’t need to remember that last part.

She was really glad this person knocked on the door, imagine if she had to go through life knowing she had slept with the most infuriating, pretentious, douchebag asshole she knew. Because that's what Ellie was, even if Dina’s friends kind of liked her, that girl pissed her off just by breathing. Ellie was always acting as if she was better than everyone else because she had a stupid tattoo and knew how to play the guitar. 

Dina remembered the first time they – unfortunately – met. Jesse had invited the red-headed to a small gathering and she showed up smelling like weed when everybody was almost leaving. What kind of person does that? Certainly in need for attention, that’s what Dina thought back then. And then she kept looking at Dina in a strange way. When Ellie offered her a joint, Dina refused and Ellie laughed, after muttering an “of course”. 

Dina didn’t need to do drugs to have fun and she knew that. In fact, she knew Ellie was the bad one after all. How Jesse used to be friends with someone so convinced – because now apparently they weren’t friends anymore – she couldn’t understand. She was really glad their friendship was over since every time the red-headed hung out with them she acted like that, and she always looked at Dina in this weird, infuriating way.

Dina closed her door and sank on her bed. This wasn’t happening. And then it occurred to her: Ellie was going to tell everybody about it. Why wouldn’t she? Dina was one of the most popular girls in the university, and Ellie was a loser. Yes, that’s what she was. Always stoned and alone on campus playing the guitar as if she shouldn’t be studying or doing something productive. Considering she didn’t really have money – Jesse told her once about Ellie’s full scholarship – she should make more effort. She got up and decided to do something about it. She picked her jacket again and went for the door.

____________________________________________

This was it. She knew this was Ellie’s dorm because one time she was walking around campus with Jesse and he had to give back a book he borrowed from the girl. She was furious, but followed him. So here she was again, outside Ellie’s room. She was going to say what she needed to say and she would go back to her own room and forget about everything. It was a simple plan and couldn’t go wrong. So she knocked. Then she did it again. When the door was finally opened, she was met with green, heavy, lazy eyes.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Ellie asked.

“I’m here to make sure you don’t overthink what happened,” Dina answered as she let herself in. Ellie’s room was a mess and it made Dina feel disgusted.  _ Does everything about this girl have to be like that? _ Dina thought.

“I actually don’t know what you are talking about.” The red-headed explained as she closed the door and crossed her arms. God, she is kind of hot. Dina thought quickly and cursed herself for thinking such a thing.

“Please, don’t let me say it, Williams. You know damn well what happened. Thing is, no one can know. I was drunk, you were drunk and that was that. Now, what do you want for your silence? Money so you can buy more pot?”

Ellie stared at her dumb-folded as she processed every word. She had no clue what the older girl was talking about. And then she remembered. After her first bump last night, someone came in and they ended up kissing. She was so high she didn’t even remember their face, but now Dina was clearing out things for her.  _ Fuck, I really need to be careful with this whole “kissing people when I’m high thing” _ . But wait, did Dina really offer her money so she wouldn’t tell anyone? To buy more pot?  _ Fuck this girl. _

“You know what? I didn’t even know you were the girl I kissed last night, and you just come to my room and offer me money so I won’t say anything? Go to fucking hell, Dina. I don’t need your fucking money for anything and honestly, now I kind of want to spread to the whole campus what happened. But don’t worry, I won’t do it so ‘cause I actually don’t want people to know I’ve almost hooked up with someone like you. Now get the fuck out of my room,” Ellie said beyond furious.

Dina scoffed. “Right, as if you weren’t already planning on telling everyone how someone like you managed to do that to me. But I’m glad I won’t actually need to spend my money on you. Goodbye, Williams,” She said as she went to the door, but didn’t really leave until saying one more thing. “And you should clean your room, you know? It’s not healthy to live in such a messy place,” And with that, the door was closed.

Ellie couldn’t believe what just happened. She was sleeping and suddenly there was someone knocking on her door and they wouldn’t go away. And then it all happened. First of all, she was really worried about not remembering the kiss. Maybe doing a huge amount of coke on parties wasn’t really a smart thing. Secondly, had she actually kissed Dina? That stupid, uptight girl from college? She never really liked her. 

Ellie was convinced Dina thought she was some sort of Regina George from that ridiculous movie. Some people might say she was exaggerating, but she wasn’t. She knew Dina was like that. What Jesse saw in her, she would never know. Sure, she was gorgeous and hot but she couldn’t stand someone so ridiculous. She was actually relieved Dina had turned Jesse down when he made a move, saying she just wanted to be friends. She was already on bad terms with her (ex) friend, she didn’t need to be the person his girlfriend cheated him with. 

Lastly, she felt a bit humiliated at the older girl’s proposal. Offering money like she was some kind of charity case. Was Ellie poor? Yes, a little. She was only in college because she had a really good scholarship and Joel was making an effort to send her money every month, but she would never accept money like Dina thought she would. She was also feeling miserable because this whole mess reminded her of what she was spending her money on. She wanted to disappear. So she opened her bag and reached for the one thing it would make it all go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // mentions of drug use
> 
> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!

Dina closed her notebook when she saw Jesse arriving for lunch. They had lunch together every Sunday and Ashley would usually join them, but today she was most likely recovering from a party that was held last night. It had been a week since “the incident”, as Dina liked to call it. A week and it still haunted her; to be fair, she knew deep down what was really bothering her was the fact that she had actually liked the kiss, even if she was drunk. Also, sometimes she would feel bad for offering Ellie money. It was really shitty of her, she knew it. But what else was she supposed to do back then? She couldn’t risk people knowing it. She couldn’t risk her perfect reputation.

_ Just forget about it  _

She shook her head as Jesse approached. “Hey D, what’s up?”

“Hi Jesse, I was just taking some notes. Financial Law is really getting harder, you know?” She answered with a concerned look.

Jesse chuckled and shook his head. “Come on Dina, you know you got this, eh? If you don’t understand it, imagine the rest of our class.”

It was true. Dina was the best Law student in the whole campus and she was very much proud of it. She would always tell her parents about her grades, to make sure they knew the daughter they had. Nothing could make them happier, and so nothing could make her more relaxed.

Jesse got up and picked up their meals. When he sat down and they started eating it, she couldn’t help herself. It was just a question, after all.

“Hey, you know that girl you used to be friends with, Ellie?” Jesse tensed immediately.

“Yes, what about her?” He answered looking down.

“What happened? Why aren’t you guys friends anymore?”  _ Come on, tell me something. _

“We have some different ideas about... life. No point in being friends with someone that has nothing in common with you anymore, you know?”

She could tell he wasn’t being 100% honest, but decided it was best to let it go. The subject seemed to bother him but why was Dina so interested in it? Ellie was a fucked up, weird person she shouldn’t waste her time thinking about. They finished lunch in silence, just enjoying each other's company and the cool weather. 

Jesse was a handsome, cool, nice guy. They had sex a couple times before and Jesse seemed to want a relationship, but Dina turned him down. Even though he had these qualities, there was something missing. It didn’t have that spark going on, at least for Dina. Also, Dina was there to study, not to waste time dating anyone. So they remained friends, best friends actually. Ashley was quite close to them too, but that girl was close to a lot of people and sometimes wouldn’t hang out with the pair.

Dina said goodbye to Jesse and went to her dorm. She was exhausted after spending almost her entire weekend studying, but also happy she got everything done. She had just entered her perfectly cleaned room when she got a text from her girl friend.

Ash: hey D, just woke up. wanna come over later tonight and watch a movie or something? miss my girl!

Dina smiled to herself and replied with a “yes”. She missed talking to Ashley too, after all she was her best girl friend and it was easier to talk to her than to Jesse sometimes. She decided she deserved some rest, and after setting an alarm, she closed her eyes and fell asleep quickly.

____________________________________________

Ellie woke up with a start. Was she really sleeping though? She couldn’t tell. Ellie looked around and noticed she wasn’t in her own room, but Rachel’s. She wasn’t wearing any clothes either. She turned around and saw an equally naked Rachel in the bed. 

_ Well, at least Rachel is someone I know and not some random chick this time _ . 

She got up and went to the bathroom, almost regretting it when she saw her face in the mirror. She couldn’t look worse even if she tried. Baggy eyes, pale face and chapped lips. She had the general look of someone who wasn’t taking care of themselves, which was only fair considering she wasn’t.

She splashed some water on her face and went for her clothes. When she was fully dressed up, she decided to wake the other girl and just ask for what she was there for.

“Hey Rach, wake up, yeah?”

“What is it Ellie? What time is it?” The blonde girl mumbled.

“I have no idea, actually. I’m leaving, I just want to know if the guy gave you more coke.”

“No, he didn’t. Said he’ll only have it by Friday, unfortunately. I would offer you some ecstasy, but I think we took all that was left of the pills last night. Sorry,” Rachel was more awake now, and was touching Ellie’s arm seductively. “Can I make it up to you?” 

Could she? Yes. However, Ellie wasn’t in the mood right now, and she was really disappointed she would have to go almost through an entire week sober, since weed and alcohol didn’t really give her what she needed anymore.

“No, not right now. It’s okay though. See you on Friday then?” She answered as she got up from the bed and walked towards the door.

“Friday it is, sexy. Close the door when you leave?” Rachel said and went back to sleep.

On her way to her room, Ellie thought of how it was sometimes good and bad to have Rachel. They didn’t really have a relationship, it was more like a “let’s get high together and fuck next” thing, but it was better than being miserable and alone. Sometimes she would sleep with other girls and Rachel wouldn’t care. She did the same, too. It wasn’t a relationship, after all.

She sighed as she entered her messy, dirty room. She looked around and considered cleaning it up, but those spoiled girl’s words didn’t let her. 

Dina. 

The way she judged Ellie for being a slob made Ellie want to leave her room even messier. Yes, it was childish and immature, but to hell with it. It would feel like letting her win. She glanced in the corner and saw her guitar. His guitar. It had been more than a month since she last played it. It reminded her too much of him. And it pained her to think what he would think if he knew what Ellie was doing to herself. She lied on her bed and closed her eyes, deep down knowing she wouldn’t sleep in peace.

____________________________________________

“So, something quite funny happened last night.” Ashley said as the credits rolled on the screen. 

“Oh yeah? What?” Dina was curious. Ashley always had the best party stories.

“Well, I was at the party with Eric, and oh my God Dina, I’ve never seen so many drugged people in a single place. We were probably the only ones who stuck to alcohol. Anyways, Eric went to the bathroom and that girl Ellie, who used to be friends with Jesse, came up to me asking if I had “something”. I think she was asking for drugs, which is awful. So I told her no and she recognized me.”

It hit Dina like a train. Did Ashley know? Ellie said she wouldn’t tell anyone, but of course it was a lie. That fucking bitch.

“But the funny thing is, she asked about you.” Ashley said with her brow furrowed. “She asked me if you were still being a bitch.”

_ What?  _

“Did you have a fight with her or something?”

Dina’s mind was racing. At least she didn’t tell Ashley about the kiss. So she decided to lie. “When I was going for my morning run last week I ran into her, accidently of course. But I got mad at her, and apparently she took it to her heart. No big deal, honestly.” Sometimes Dina hated herself for being able to lie with such naturality.

“Oh, I see. Anyway, she was cool, if a bit weird somehow, wasn’t she? Last night she seemed really bad, though. She was definitely high on something,” Ashley said with a shrug.

“That was it? She didn’t say something else?” 

_ I have to make sure. _

“No, she just laughed at my surprised face but then some girl grabbed her by her waist and they left. Hey, can you lend me some notes on Financial Law? I’m like, super lost.”

“Sure, I’ll give it to you in class tomorrow,” Dina replied with a not-so-big smile. She was relieved nothing big happened, but worried and furious at the same time. What was Ellie up to asking Ashley that? She needed to clear everything out. Again.

____________________________________________

The dark-haired woman found herself one more time facing the auburn’s door. Hopefully this would be the second and last time. She had to knock four times to make Ellie open the door. Apparently, the younger girl had just finished showering, because she smelled really nice and there were drops of water on her neck. She wanted to kiss them all. 

“Are you like, obsessed with me?” Ellie asked with a quirk on her eyebrow.

“Funny. And no,” Dina answered and let herself in, again. Ellie closed the door and just waited for the shorter girl to say whatever the fuck she was going to say. 

_ At least I’m sober this time. _

“My friend Ashley told me what you did, just so you know. You think this is funny, right? You could at least tell me what I have to do so you can let it go and move on with your life, because frankly, this is getting-“ She was cut off by Ellie’s mouth.

Ellie wasn’t high, but she was stressed out and Dina’s rant was making her head hurt. Kissing her seemed like the fastest, easiest way to just make the girl shut up in that moment; and it was working. The taller girl would be lying if she said she wasn’t surprised at how Dina responded to the kiss by desperately kissing her with need. Ellie had met girls like Dina before.

“So that’s why you came back, eh?” She bit the dark-haired girl’s ear. “Want me to take care of you?”

Dina could only nod and lean her head, giving more space for Ellie, almost begging her to kiss her neck.

“You’re gonna have to say it, princess” Ellie whispered against her ear again. Her hands were almost on Dina’s ass, and she was slowly guiding them to the bed.

“Yes, fuck, I want you.” The way the older woman sounded desperate made Ellie lose her mind. She imagined how she would sound when she’d come.

Fifteen minutes later, she found out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm writing this. My initial idea is to update 3 times a week, let's see how it goes. I also want to write longer chapters, hopefully I'll be able to. Feedback is like, super important. And Ellie is 19 and Dina 20


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for you comments, I read them all. As for the dynamic, I can't change it. I need both of them being mean to each other to get where I want to. I understand if some you all don't like it, because it's very different from how they are in the game, but I'm sticking with this one. I promise it has a purpose, I'm not torturing you for nothing. lol
> 
> TW // drug abuse as usual
> 
> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!

“This was a one time thing.” Dina said, zipping up her jeans.

“Sure.”

“I mean it. I’m not gonna have sex with you again.”

“I said sure,” Ellie replied nonchalantly. She was putting her pajamas on now.

“Well, bye then. Do I need to ask you again to be quiet about this?” Dina asked matter-of-factly.

“No, princess. It may be hard for you to understand, but I don’t really care or do things based on what people would say. You can see yourself out, right?” She was climbing on her bed and getting under the covers. “Make sure to turn off the light, too.” And now she was already closing her eyes and waiting for sleep to come.

Dina didn’t say anything, just left a bit shocked at the other girl’s coldness and ashamed of everything. She was so angry at herself she didn’t notice she was leaving without her jacket. As much as she tried to make Ellie feel intimidated, it was always her who felt that way. She wondered if the red-headed had any feelings, because it didn't seem like it. And the fact that Dina was the one under control a few minutes before only made things worse. 

By the time she made it to her room, she was feeling dirty. It had been a while since she had emotionless sex. She decided to take a shower and sleep, tomorrow would be a new day and she wouldn’t need to think about Ellie. Right?

____________________________________________

Ellie was once again late for her classes. She was glad she was actually smart and could understand things easily, because if it was for her effort she wouldn’t even have graduated in high school. She had just finished dressing up when she noticed a strange jacket on the floor. It was Dina’s. She left it on her desk after folding it nicely. She would deal with it later.

It was Monday, which meant she had to go through four more days until Rachel would buy their drugs. She asked for coke and a couple of pills of ecstasy. She wasn’t very fond of the pill, but it did its job to take her mind off of things for a couple of hours. When she got into her class - that unsurprisingly had already begun - she just sat on a chair in the back and rested her head in her hands. Could she make it until Friday?

____________________________________________

It was Wednesday night when Dina noticed. She was going to meet Jesse and Ashley and they would go watch a movie, but her jacket was missing. It didn’t take very long for her to realize she had forgotten it in Ellie’s dorm.  _ Are you kidding me? _ The universe had something against her. It was the only possible explanation. She got another jacket, an older and uglier one and left the door. Her night was already ruined.

Truth was, she had thought about Ellie every day since their hook up. Dina wasn’t very much experienced when it came to sex, but she had had enough of it to know when it was bad, when it was good and when it was amazing. Unfortunately, sex with Ellie fit the last category. The taller girl had been somehow rough and gentle at the same time. Fast and slow. And it only made things even hotter when she started whispering dirty, little things in Dina’s ear. Almost asking her to beg for it.  _ She probably has a lot of experience. _ That’s what Dina thought when she came for the second time that night.

She almost bumped into her friends, too lost in her own thoughts to notice they were already waiting for her in the hall.

“What’s up, guys?”

“Hi,” Jesse and Ashley greeted Dina at the same time. 

“Shall we?” the Asian man asked.

“Yes, let’s go. Are you sure this movie is not like, super long, right? I don’t want to go to class sleep-deprived tomorrow.” Dina asked Ashley.

“Yes, D. I’m sure. Relax,” the black woman replied with an eye-roll. Couldn’t Dina relax for once? “Do you guys have any plans on Friday? People in our class are having a party and we are invited. Especially you, Dina.”

“What do you mean?” The jewish woman knew what her friend was talking about, but she wanted to hear it.

“Come on, you know every guy and some of the girls in our class are interested in you. Don’t play dumb, silly,” Ashley replied again with an eye-roll.

“I’m not.” Dina simply said. 

She was. Being popular, along with being the best in the class, was what made Dina happier. She was a sucker for attention. The way everyone looked at her when she answered a question perfectly, as if she was some sort of magic, made her smile inside. She was always making sure she was ahead of everyone, studying the next subjects before even the professor had to ask. And the fact people thought she was attractive (even though she didn’t always feel it this way) was a really nice bonus.

She wouldn’t take much advantage of it, though. Excepting Ellie, her last hook up had been Jesse and she was fine with it. It’s not that she didn’t enjoy sex, she did it very much, but it always involved feelings, and with feelings the sex would turn into a relationship – like Jesse wanted – and she didn’t have time for it. She was there for her studies and career, the pleasure would always come in second place. 

_ It’s not like anyone would be better than Ellie anyway.  _

That thought crossed her mind and she cursed herself for allowing it. This had to stop. She would go there tomorrow, she would simply pick her jacket and she would never cross paths with the younger girl again. Plain and simple.

____________________________________________

One day. 

Twenty four hours. 

In such time Ellie would go to Rachel’s room, they would do some coke, fuck all night, and Ellie would leave in the morning with her bag filled with what she needed. Maybe they would go to some random party on Saturday night, to enjoy the weekend as much as they could. But until then, Ellie had to wait.

She glanced around her room, inspecting her surroundings. Joel’s guitar was in the corner, and everytime time Ellie looked at it she would feel sick. She wanted to play it, so fucking badly, but she couldn’t. She decided it was too much of a torture, and picked it up and tucked it away in her closet. She was tired of looking at it and feeling sick. Why is ignoring things so much easier? 

Another object that made her feel a lot of things was a picture of her deceased mother. The frame with the photo was the only thing she had left from her. Some days she would place it on her bedside drawer, to comfort her, make her feel somehow less alone. On other days, it would be too much. Too much of a reminder she wasn’t a person her mother would be proud of. She decided today would be too much, so she stored it in the drawer.

Tired of her own thoughts and anxious for the next day, she turned on her Playstation 4. Nothing like a relaxing, fun game to help her pass the time. She chose Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End, because she was already about halfway of it, and it was indeed very fun. She had been playing it for around ten minutes when there was a knock on her door.

“Come in,” she shouted. She wasn’t expecting anyone and she should have probably went to check who it was before letting the person enter her room, but who the fuck cares? She didn’t even glance to see who it was, too focused on a puzzle about the zodiac signs.

“I left my jacket here,” That made Ellie almost jump. She looked to the side and saw Dina standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room. The door was already closed.

“It’s on the desk.” She said. She wondered if it was indeed only the jacket that brought the girl to her room again.

“Okay,” Dina went for it, but stopped when she saw what Ellie was doing. “What is that?”

“A game,” Once again Ellie gave her a short answer, and it made Dina mad.

“I know it’s a game, idiot,” Dina said, rolling her eyes. “What is it about? And how can you afford a Playstation 4? Doesn’t it cost, like, 500 dollars?”

“It wasn’t that expensive, actually. And I'm not as poor as you think I am, you know?” Ellie replied without looking at her, again. “And it’s about this guy, Nathan. He’s a treasure hunter and he needs this old pirate Henry Avery’s treasure because his brother owes money to some dangerous drug-dealer.”

“That’s not very realistic,” Dina bit back. “A treasure hunter in the 21st century? Bullshit.” 

When Ellie didn’t respond, Dina spoke again. “What happens, in the end? Do they find it?”

“I guess we’ll have to play to find out,” Ellie finally looked at her again and saw that the older woman was still standing in an uncomfortable way. It made her uncomfortable, too. “Sit down, will you? We are not at the end yet, I think.”

Dina thought about leaving and minding her own business, like she had planned on the day before. But she was interested in the game. Her parents never allowed her to have a videogame, even though they had plenty of money, claiming it would distract her from her responsibilities.

“You should buy a couch.” She said as she sat beside Ellie in the bed, too close to the auburn girl.

“So you can have sex with me, in this bed, but can’t sit and watch me play a game?” Ellie asked in a teasing voice. She knew how to tease Dina.

“Stop talking about it, it was a mistake. And it won’t happen again. I told you.” Dina stated in a serious tone.

“Sure it was, princess.” That nickname again.

Twenty minutes later Ellie decided she needed a shower. And as much as she was enjoying the game, the way Dina was commenting on every single move, it pissed her off. The girl couldn’t irritate her more even if she tried.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, feel free to play it if you want it. Just make sure to tell me what happens when I get out.” She paused and handed the dualshock to Dina. She picked it but didn’t press X to start playing it.

“I’ve never played games before. I don’t know how to do it.” The short girl explained.

“Aren’t you like, top of your class? I’m sure you can handle this.”

“What if it’s inversely proportional? That would explain why you are so good at it.” She knew it was a stupid, childish thing to say. It wasn’t even true, since Ellie had a scholarship, but she felt like riling the red-headed up, just for the sake of it.

Ellie simply ignored it and went to the bathroom, she shouldn’t let Dina rile her up. It was stupid. But then another idea crossed her mind, and she made her way back to the bed, hugging Dina’s waist and planting a soft kiss on her neck.

“Or you could join me.” Dina was already melting into her touch and Ellie smirked. “I mean, let’s not pretend you don’t want it, right? You could have gone back to your room with your jacket a long time ago, but that’s not what you came here for, was it?” She was now with her right hand on Dina’s boob, and her left one was tugging at the older girl’s pants.

“Fuck you, Ellie.” But Dina was already up and letting Ellie take her to the bathroom.

____________________________________________

“I don’t know how you can live in a messy room like this one.” Dina remarked as she finished getting dressed, too embarrassed of herself. “I’m never coming back here again, thank God. That was it. I’m leaving with my jacket and I won’t have to know you exist anymore.”

“You and I both know you are coming back, princess. Especially after what I did to you in the shower.” Ellie said with a smirk.

Dina thought about denying it, saying she was being delusional, but deep down she knew she would be coming back. “You can’t give me hickeys or leave any bruises on my neck. People will see it.” She simply said.

“So does that mean I can leave marks on places people won’t see it, such as the inside of your thigh, like I did ten minutes ago?”

_ God, why is it so good to tease her? _

Dina was blushing now. “And stop calling me ‘princess’. It’s not funny.”

“Stop telling me to clean my room then.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Dina decided it was best to leave, because Ellie was already getting ready for bed and it was late. But when she was opening the door Ellie reminded her of something.

“Don’t forget your jacket. That’s what you came here for, right?” She said with a laugh. Dina picked it and left the room almost slamming the door.

____________________________________________

“Fuck! God, that’s a strong one.” Ellie said to Rachel after doing a line.

“I guess it’s the best we've done so far.” The blonde replied. It was true. Ellie was already feeling the coke kick in, and it was amazing. Thank fuck it’s Friday. “Hey, you know that girl from my Sociology class, Michelle or something like that?” Ellie nodded, and lowered down to do another line. “She’s having a small gathering, I think. Told me to bring you, I think she’s attracted to you. Wanna go and fuck her? She’s kinda hot.”

“Sure, but I’m still sleeping at yours, right?” Ellie said before zipping up her jacket and joining Rachel, who was already outside.

“Of course, beautiful. I just know she’s your type, and maybe I can find someone interesting too.”

Ellie was relieved Friday had arrived. Turns out spending a week sober wasn’t as easy as she used to think it was. The only good thing about her week had been the sex with Dina. That girl infuriated her with the same intensity it turned her on. She was spoiled, full of herself and irritating, and that only made it better when Ellie saw how easily she would melt into her touch. Ellie loved whispering bad things in her ear, and on the last time she actually made Dina beg for release. Someone needed to put that girl in her place, and she was very glad she was the one who got to do it.

They arrived at Michele’s place, and Ellie found herself finally having a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite chapter so far. Let me know what you will think!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // drug abuse as usual
> 
> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!

Dina was starting to get drunk, much to her delight. Turns out being obsessed with controlling every single thing in her life made her stressed, and the alcohol helped her lighten up and relax for once. Since she always knew the right time to stop before getting really wasted, she didn’t have to worry much about it. 

The other times when she lost herself and felt like taking some weight off her shoulders were when she had sex with that girl. Ellie took the control of the situation on both occasions - she also made sure to keep reminding Dina of it - and the black-haired girl adored it, although she wasn’t ready to admit it yet. 

_ Nope, you’re not thinking about her now. _

She looked around and saw Jesse talking to some girl, apparently making a move. Good for him. He never talked to her about girls, maybe because of how Dina rejected him before, but Dina genuinely wanted him to find someone nice. He was a nice guy and any girl willing to have a relationship would be lucky to have him.

She had no idea where her other friend was and she was tired of talking to random people she didn’t really care about. She thought about leaving and going back to her place when someone touched her shoulder. She turned around and met green eyes.

“Oh! Hi, Eric.” 

Eric was a boy from her class and a friend of Ashley. He was tall, had brown hair and beautiful green eyes. He would join them occasionally, and Dina was somehow glad to talk to someone she actually knew.

“Hey Dina. Do you know where Ashley is? I lost her like, ten minutes ago.” He asked, not really concerned.

“Hm… No, I don’t. I want to find her too, but you know how she likes to just disappear.”

The boy chuckled before agreeing. “I do.” There was silence for a second. “Do you wanna go outside? I think some fresh air would be good. Also, this party is kinda lame,” he looked at her expectantly.

“Sure, lead the way.” The party was in fact lame and she could take some fresh air.

Once they were outside they sat on the grass and stood in silence for a few minutes. She was considering getting up and heading out when the boy spoke again.

“So, Dina, I gotta ask... are you and Jesse together?” She wasn’t surprised by the question. Probably the whole class had the same doubt.

“No, we are just friends.” And there was silence again. “What about you and Ash?”

He smiled before answering. “Ash is amazing, but I don’t think she would be into me, to be honest.” He bit his lip hesitantly. “Did she say something to you? About me?”

“She really likes you, Eric. But I don’t know if it’s just as a friend or something more.” She could see the disappointment in his eyes and felt a little bit sorry for him. “I think you should go for her, though. You too would be a pretty couple.” She told him with a smile.

“Thanks, Dina. But I don’t think I will do anything... at least not right now.” He gave her a small smile back.

“Well, I totally would ship you too.” They both laughed at this. “I think I’m heading out,” she said standing up.

“Let me walk you home? I know the campus is safe, but you can never be too safe, right?”

Dina accepted his offer. She liked this guy, He was really nice and seemed like a good friend. She was sort of hoping for him and Ashley to get together, both of them would be in good hands.

She said goodbye to him and thanked him for the company, then started putting on her pajamas once she was in her room. Her drunkenness was already gone and now the tension was back. She thought about studying, but it was late and she was a bit tired, just not enough to sleep yet. She laid down on her bed and picked her phone, checking her notifications, only to find out there weren’t many. Then her mind wandered and now she was thinking about green eyes. And auburn hair. And chapped lips. 

_ I’m just gonna check her on social media and be done with it, out of curiosity _ . 

But she couldn’t find any. Apparently Ellie was even more low-profile then she thought. She kept thinking about the little info she had on her. Jesse told her they met in a town named Jackson and became friends after going to the same school. He said something about Ellie being adopted by some guy who was friends with his parents, and that was it. She had no clue what happened that caused their friendship to end, and Jesse’s answer when she asked him about it didn’t seem very honest. She wanted to ask him more about her, but how would she do that without giving off what was happening? Maybe it was best to leave it for a while.

Her mind, however, couldn’t stop going back to the memories of what Ellie did to her. There was now heat growing on her abdomen and she couldn’t help herself. To hell with it. She thought before letting her fingers find their way between her own legs and releasing the tension.

____________________________________________

A couple of hours later, on the other side of the campus, Ellie found herself higher than ever and completely lost. She was about to have sex with a girl - was Michele really her name? She didn’t know or care - when someone interrupted them, complaining about the fact the alcohol was over. The owner of the house then left angrily to get some more, leaving Ellie all hot and bothered. 

Ellie had never thought she would have so much sex in college, but here she was. Apparently her “calm and collected” – as Rachel told her – attitude attracted a lot of girls, and she couldn’t complain about it. Even though it was only superficial, it helped her feel less alone all the time, even if the feeling didn’t last very long. And the drugs pushed her into that direction, too.

Rachel was also nowhere to be seen, which only made things worse, considering the cocaine and the pills were with her. If she was honest, Ellie didn’t know much about Rachel. They met at a random party where Rachel asked her if she had a lighter, which she had, and they ended up sharing a joint. Later that night, Ellie took the beautiful, hot girl home, and things pretty much took off from there. They were both single, fucked up and not looking for anything serious. They did coke for the first time together, both girls knowing it was wrong, but at the time it didn’t feel like they had much to lose. From that point on, the addiction started to appear, but neither talked about it. It was very easy not talking about it.

It was almost morning already and the party was dying. She was considering going to her place to wait for the blonde there, but suddenly there was a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey! Ellie, right?” It was a guy from her class who usually sat next to her, on the back.

“Yeah. You are...?”

“I’m Anthony. Call me Tony, though.”

“Okay,” She had no idea why this guy was talking to her. She hoped he wasn’t trying to make a move on her or something like that. 

_ How can someone think I like men? _

But the boy wasn’t doing anything like it.

“So, I know no one likes to talk about studies at a party, but have you studied for the test on Monday? I’m sort of freaking out, to be honest. Shit’s too hard.”

_ What?! _ Then it hit her. She had completely forgotten about it. Fuck.

Tony seemed to pick on her confusion. “Oh, fuck, you didn’t know. Man, I don’t wanna make you go crazy or anything like it, but you should study. At least a little.”

“I, fuck. I will. Thanks for reminding me.”

“Sure, no problem. Good luck, yeah?” And he left.

Ellie was starting to freak out a little bit. She knew she was smart, but it was practically Saturday morning already, and the test would be on Monday first period. Also, the subject was the hardest one by far. Unlike other people, she couldn’t bring herself to fail. She could lose her scholarship and make her life even more miserable. Not to mention how much Joel would be disappointed in her.

She was about to leave when someone hugged her from behind. She recognized the perfume almost immediately.

“Hey, hot stuff. I’ve been looking for you,” Rachel planted a kiss on her neck. “Are you ready to go?”

“Rach, I have to study. I have this huge test on Monday,” she was sounding a bit desperate but Rachel cut her off.

“Oh, come on, Ellie. No sense in studying right now in the state you are. You can pull an all-nighter later, right? Why don’t we go to my place and do something much more fun?” She said the last sentence in Ellie’s ear, then biting it.

She supposed Rachel was right. Studying right now didn’t seem like a good idea, especially when there was a girl like her trying to take her home.

She let the blonde girl guide her and once they were inside her room it didn’t take much for their clothes to be scattered on the floor and for Ellie to be straddled by Rachel.

“I missed you,” The blonde girl said, kissing her neck. Ellie smiled and kissed her back.

____________________________________________

When Ellie woke up, she knew she was going to have a bad day. Her head was pounding, her heart was racing and her mouth was insanely dry, but the worst part of it was that apparently, she was going to have a rough night. It was already darkening outside, much to her surprise. She pushed Rachel gently aside and fished for her phone on the floor. It was 6PM already. Her sleep was becoming more and more of a mess, just like her drug problem.

She got up from bed and almost threw up. Jesus Christ. And as if things weren’t awful already, she remembered that guy’s words about a test on Monday.  _ Can someone kill me right now? _ She dressed up and picked the drugs Rachel bought for her, leaving the money there and deciding not to wake the other girl before leaving.

She could barely make it to her room, feeling more tired than ever. Somehow, she managed to take a shower without passing out. When she was fully dressed again, she realized she couldn’t possibly pull an all-nighter in her room; her bed was too inviting. She also didn’t want to only get to work on the next day because it would be too close to the test, so she chose to go for the first time to the central library. Ellie got the books she needed and put them on her bag, not before doing a line of cocaine. It was the only way she could survive this night without losing her focus. She put the rest of the small bag – one of many, ‘cause apparently Rachel ordered more of the usual amount – on her pocket and went to the library.

Since it was her first time there, she didn’t know where the best spot was. She walked around it, noticing it wasn’t very crowded – it was a Saturday night, after all – and she chose a place on the corner, next to a window. It seemed peaceful and quiet enough. She had just sat when a known voice talked to her.

“What the hell are you doing here on a Saturday night?” Dina’s voice echoed in Ellie’s ears. 

As if she wasn’t stressed out enough.

“I could ask you the same question,” she shot back. Although she had enjoyed teasing Dina before and playing the girl’s game, tonight she wasn’t in the mood nor the place for it. The girl was barely tolerable and she seemed to do everything to rile Ellie up.

“I’m just returning some books. But I always come here. I have a feeling you can’t say the same for yourself.” 

Dina couldn’t be more arrogant even if she tried.

“I don’t recall having to justify my presence in a fucking library,” Ellie said impatiently. “Do you have anything to say or you can leave me to it?” Dina didn’t say anything, just kept looking at Ellie suspiciously, as if the girl was some type of outlaw. Ellie opened her notebook and started taking some notes, but Dina spoke again.

“What is your major again? Something about space?” The fact that Dina was still standing made her even angrier, somehow. She felt like being overanalyzed by the short girl.

“Yes, I’m developing a spaceship to leave Earth for good. Wanna buy a ticket?” She replied without even looking at Dina.

“Stop mocking me,” Dina spat angrily. “It’s Aerospacial Engineering, isn’t it?”

“Yep.”

Dina bit her lip, not sure what to do next. She had planned to go to Ashley’s just to talk and maybe watch a movie, but she found herself wanting to stay close to Ellie. Something about the girl intrigued her, and she could use this time to review her essay for Monday and to take some other notes.

She sat across Ellie on the same table after texting Ashley and opened her notebook.

“I thought you were just returning some books?” The red-headed girl asked with a quirked brow.

“I have to study too, and this happens to be my favorite spot here, so I’m not moving.” She replied looking at Ellie and noticing a hickey on the girl’s neck, not knowing why that bothered her.

“I’m not moving either.”

“Fine.”

They resumed their activities, occasionally glancing at each other. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. After two hours or so, Ellie felt a wave of fatigue hitting her. Maybe it was time for another bump. 

She obviously wouldn’t do coke in front of Dina, so she got up and mumbled something about getting coffee from a machine. She got to the machine and purchased a cup of coffee, after doing a bump. Before returning to the table, she noticed how Dina seemed a bit tired and got her a cup too. When she placed it next to her, the girl didn’t say anything, not even a thank you, but a few minutes later she was drinking it.

Another hour passed and now Dina was really tired, especially because she hadn’t really slept well on the night before. She gathered her things and got up from the table, and noticed how Ellie was still full into her studies.

“It’s late. Are you pulling an all-nighter or something?” She asked with a lazy voice.

“I guess so. I’m not even like halfway through it.” 

The weird thing was how Ellie didn’t seem tired at all.

Dina didn’t say anything and started to leave, but Ellie’s voice stopped her.

“Do you know when it is gonna be?”

“Do I know when is it gonna be what?” She asked, confused.

“The next time you come to my room, princess,” Ellie replied with a chuckle.

“I thought I told you to not call me that,” Dina spat at her, which only caused Ellie to chuckle again.

“Oh, you did. But the fact that you hate it makes it so much more fun, you know? And you didn’t answer my question,” Ellie retorted, now looking at Dina with a smirk and holding the pen in her mouth.

“Will you stop acting as if you didn’t like it too? If I recall correctly, you seemed pretty happy doing what you were doing, both times.” 

Dina hated the cocky attitude Ellie had when she talked about their hookups, as if Dina was the only one eager for it.

“Oh, I certainly enjoyed fucking you, both times. That’s exactly why I’m asking when I’ll get to do it again,” Ellie said in a low, husky voice that made Dina’s knees weak. She could only be glad they were the only ones left in the library. She also didn’t know what to answer. Honestly? They could do it right now, but she couldn’t give Ellie the satisfaction. So she decided to go for another... strategy.

“I guess you’ll have to wait for it, Williams. Now, I have to go. Have a good night!” 

Dina left, leaving Ellie alone and a little bit turned on from the interaction. Teasing Dina was definitely fun.

Ellie decided to go from the library straight to her class. She had finished studying around 5AM and there was no point in going back to her room just to leave a few hours after. The coke helped her stay focused during the night, and she was now doing another bump after entering the class and starting the test.

It wasn’t really hard now that she had studied, but it wasn’t easy either. She finished almost at the same time as everyone else, a bit satisfied with herself. She got a text from Rachel only a couple of minutes after going back to her own room and laying on the bed.   
  
**Rachel:** how’d it go? did the coke help you?

_ Ellie: _ it was alright, i guess. and yes, it did.

**Rachel:** i was checking and i think it has enough to last the whole week, how awesome is that? text me if you need anything else, will you? x

_ Ellie: _ yeah, thank fuck we won’t have to go a few days without it. i will. X   
  
She opened her bag and got a box of a chinese take-out she bought on her way to her room. Before eating it, she put her mother’s frame on her nightstand again, feeling very lonely. The photo was pretty much the only connection she had with her mom, who died a couple of days after she was born. Since her father was already gone too, she went to foster care, and was only really adopted when she was fourteen, by Joel. 

Ellie couldn’t love Joel more even if she tried. They both needed each other and their relationship wasn’t always easy, especially because Ellie had trouble trusting people, but he tried his best. She tried her best too.  _ I guess I’m not trying my best right now. _ She thought, glancing at the drugs on her nightstand, next to her mother’s frame.

A couple of minutes later, she was crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if Ellie's major exists in US universities but since is not that important to the story I won't bother myself about it. 
> 
> Would you guys like some smutty times or it's good being implied the way it is? Thank you all for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // drug abuse as usual
> 
> here goes my first attempt at smut.. also it has some spoilers for uncharted 4 i guess?
> 
> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!

“So, how was the party the other day? I left pretty early,” Ashley asked Dina as both girls finished their lunch and were heading for their rooms.

“Lame, I guess. Your friend, Eric, kept me some company by the end. By the way, where the hell were you?”

“Oh, did he? I’ll have to thank him later for that. I was with some... guy.” Ashley answered hesitantly. “But it’s not a big deal, I promise. Wasn’t even good.”

Dina looked at her suspiciously, but decided to let it go. Her friend changed the subject again.

“What about you? Having sex with someone?” Ashley asked with a smirk.

“What? No!” Dina answered a bit too fast. “The last time was... Jesse.”

“Damn, that’s a long time without sex,” Dina’s friend chuckled.

“I guess so.” 

Dina trusted Ashley, but she didn't know about the encounters with Ellie. She couldn’t put a finger on why exactly she was hiding it from everybody, including her best friends. Was it because she didn’t want to ruin her “reputation”? She kept telling herself that. It was better than recognizing how deep down the secret made it all sexier.

They walked in silence for a moment, until Dina decided to speak again.

“So, what about you and Eric? Just friendship? He seems like a nice guy.”

“Oh, he is. But I don’t know. He never made a move on me or anything like it, also I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” Ashley said with a shrug.

They arrived at their building and said goodbye to each other. Ashley had some essays to write because she always did things at the last minute, which caused Dina to judge her a little bit. When Dina closed her door, she inspected her surroundings, not feeling in the mood for staying in her room the rest of the day.

She checked her phone and saw it was only 5PM. She checked her texts and replied to the ones her mother and sister had sent her, telling them everything was fine and how she was doing better than ever in college. She was proud of herself for that, she knew how her studies meant pretty much everything to them. Her sister Talia was graduating from med school and she didn’t want to stay too much behind her. She had to make her parents proud too.

After she finished updating her family, there wasn’t much to do. She also remembered there wasn’t anything new to study - finally - and watching something on Netflix or Amazon Prime didn’t seem very appealing at the moment. She thought maybe Jesse could hang out with her and texted him.   
  
**Dina** : hi Jesse, what’s up? wanna hang out? miss you!   
  
It didn’t take more than a minute for him to answer.   
  
_ Jesse _ : hey D, miss you too! but I can’t rn :/ I still have some stuff to do today

**Dina** : oh :/   
  
She let out a small groan of disappointment. She usually wasn’t up for doing things with her friends on week-days, but today she was really bored and just wanted something to distract herself. Then she thought of something else she could do. What if…

She knew she shouldn’t, but she knew it, she was already opening the door and stepping outside.

Ellie spent her entire day wishing for it to be over. Wednesdays were the days with the most boring classes and the fact that she would still have to go through two days until the weekend didn’t help much. She stopped at the cafeteria on the way to her dorm and bought a coffee and a bagel. She wasn’t very hungry these days, but since she had skipped lunch, she thought it wouldn’t be good to stay without anything on her stomach. She was getting skinnier.

Once in her room, she dropped her bag on the floor and checked the clock. It was almost five and she didn’t want to do anything else. She thought about getting up and going for the library to try studying but her phone started ringing. It was Joel. She had to wait a few seconds to gain courage to answer it.

“Hey, Joel,” she greeted, trying her best to sound at least a bit happy.

“Hey, kiddo. How are you? It’s been a while since you talked to me,” Joel’s voice oozed worry for the girl, and Ellie’s heart clenched.

“I’m fine, what about you?” Lying to him was harder than she thought it would be. “Tommy and Maria are doing okay?”

“Yeah, we are all fine. We miss you a lot, you know?”

“I miss you too.” She felt a tear going down on her face.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that. Look, I gotta go now, I just wanted to hear your voice again. I sent you money yesterday, but tell me if you need more, will you?”

“I will, don’t worry about me. Everything’s fine.”

“Alright. Bye, kiddo.” With that, he hung up.

Ellie wanted to die. She remembered when Joel adopted her, how she couldn’t believe someone actually wanted to adopt her at the age of fourteen. She was used to being alone and rejected by others until Joel came into her life. Then Tommy and his wife Maria came too, and suddenly she had a family. She found out about his deceased daughter a few weeks later and couldn’t feel more sorry for him. They weren’t rich and sometimes she could see how they wanted to give her everything but he couldn’t afford much, something she didn’t mind at all. No money in the world could top their love for her, and her love for them.

When she got the full scholarship they almost died of proudness, and she smiled remembering that day. It was probably her favorite memory, seeing her family happy and proud of her. Something she thought back then she would never have.

Then there was Jesse. His parents knew Joel and his son welcomed Ellie very well, becoming a friend soon. He never asked too much about her past and always respected her, not to mention he was the first person to know she was a lesbian and supported her right away. It didn’t take long for her to tell Joel, Tommy and Maria, and they all didn’t care, telling her they loved her no matter what. Her mind was going back to her fight with Jesse, but she was already miserable and decided it was best not to think about that now.

And now here she was, barely struggling to keep going. She opened her bag and reached for the cocaine, hoping it would take the awful feeling away. After doing a line and shoving the small bag in her pocket, she started to feel the drug hitting her, feeling a bit better than a few seconds before. She considered going to Rachel’s just for some fun and distraction, since the blonde girl was always a good (or was it bad?) company. A moment later, someone was knocking on her door.

She had no idea who it was and was surprised when she opened the door and saw Dina standing. 

_ Oh. _

She smirked and invited the girl in.

“Already?” She closed the door and looked at Dina’s ass as she walked inside her room.

“Shut up,” Dina said, rolling her eyes and sitting on the bed.

They both stayed quiet for a moment, none of them wanting to make the first move. Ellie was still smirking at her when Dina spoke.

“So, how did the game end?”

“Huh?” Ellie asked with a confused face.

“The Uncharted game, or whatever the name was. What happened?”

“Oh, I actually haven’t played since that day.” She moved to sit beside the shorter woman. “Wanna play it?”

“No. I don’t wanna risk becoming addicted to it. Besides, I’m not a nerd. I wanna watch you play, just to know what will happen.” The comment made Ellie groan.

“Are you for real?”

“I guess I am.”

When Dina didn’t say anything else, she turned the console on and picked the game. They stopped playing when Nathan had just got to a big island - Libertalia? - and was looking for his brother Sam.

Ellie wasn’t sure she was appreciating Dina’s company anymore. The girl complained and made an annoying comment on every single movement Ellie did on the game, and honestly, Ellie just wanted her to shut up with her own mouth and take her on the bed, but now she was actually interested to see if Nathan and Sam would get the Avery guy’s treasure. 

About an hour later she noticed how Dina was sitting a bit closer to her, their arms touching.  _ I guess she wants me to take her too _ . But she didn’t want to give the shorter woman the satisfaction now, because honestly, she didn’t deserve it. She would have to wait.

Meanwhile, Dina didn’t know what she wanted more: Ellie on top of her or to finish the game.  _ Of course I want Ellie on top of me _ . She thought and cursed herself for doing so. She was trying to tease the auburn enough to get her to stop playing and jump on her, but it wasn’t working so far. That made her regret refusing to play it, because it was really fun and she never had the opportunity before. But now she wouldn’t take it back.

Ellie wasn’t sure how long she had been playing, but she didn’t mind. It was better than being alone and she liked to know Dina was in her room, even if she was being more annoying than ever. At some point, she ordered food for both of them, even with Dina saying it wasn’t necessary. As much as she wasn’t hungry, she knew Dina probably was, and after some bickering on what kind of food they should order, she let the black-haired girl win and went for japanese. 

They ate quietly and when the girl went to the bathroom, she took the opportunity to do another bump to keep her focused and with energy. She picked her phone up and saw it was a bit late, and she hoped the game was already heading towards the end.

“Can you play a bit better and hurry up? It’s already late and I don’t wanna mess my sleep because of you,” Dina said as she got back and sat beside her again.

“You know you can just leave, right?”

“I know, but I wanna know what happens. Come on.”

Ellie just shook her head, not being able to believe this girl had friends.

After a few minutes they reached the end. Ellie had some trouble during the sword fight, but after a few attempts she managed to beat the Rafe guy. A couple of minutes later the credits rolled, showing the game had indeed ended. They stayed in silence for a moment, neither girl knowing what to do or say next, until Ellie decided to speak.

“Pretty good, huh? That was cool.”

“Yes, it’s a good game. Though you had some trouble in the final fight. For someone who owns a video game and probably played a lot of games before, it was a bit embarrassing and-“ 

Ellie interrupted her by pressing their lips together. She wanted to do that since Dina got to her room, and she knew the girl wanted the same thing, though she obviously wouldn’t say it. Furthermore, she was tired to hear Dina complaining about her abilities on gaming and being a bitch in general.

She looked for signs of discomfort on the other girl’s face, and not only there weren’t any but also she looked like she wanted more. Ellie then slipped her thumb in Dina’s mouth, testing the waters.

“That pretty little mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble someday,” She pushed her thumb a bit further, and almost died when Dina started sucking on it, completely accepting what Ellie was giving her.

“God, Dina, you are so fucking sexy,” Ellie thought she had never seen something so hot. “And you act like you don’t know it.” 

She pushed Dina until she was laying on her back and Ellie was towering over her. She took her finger out from her mouth, and could swear the black-haired girl whimpered at the loss. She then used her hands to undress the shorter woman, leaving her with only her panties on. From the look of it, Dina was already wet.

“Why did you come here to my room, Dina? Shouldn’t you be studying or doing other things?” She asked kissing and nibbling on her neck, while one hand was on Dina’s left breast and the other was rubbing on her clit through the panties.

“I should,” Dina answered between gasps. She should be embarrassed at how wet she already was, but frankly? She didn’t care.

“Then why are you here?” Now Ellie’s mouth was lowering towards Dina’s boobs, and she started sucking on it. “Tell me or I’ll stop.”

“I’m here because I want you to, oh God-“ 

She gasped when Ellie rolled her nipple with her fingers. “I want you to do me, alright?” She could barely think with what the auburn was doing to her.

Ellie chuckled and started kissing her abdomen, making her way between the girl’s legs. She teased her folds through the fabric, kissing on it and darting her tongue out, which caused Dina to scream. Ellie stopped and went back up, kissing her again and stroking her cheek with her thumb.

“Guess I’ll have to take you to shower again to make you come with my mouth, huh?” Dina’s lips were parted and she looked at Ellie with lust. “I mean, we don’t want the whole building to hear you.” 

The way Ellie said these things in a gentle, calm way as if she was talking about any other subject than sex made Dina’s head spin.

Ellie finally pulled her underwear aside, using two fingers to circle the entrance, while her thumb was making circular movements on the clit. She looked at Dina’s face and her eyes were closed now.

“Open your eyes,” She demanded. “Look at me while I finger you.”

Dina promptly obeyed and Ellie entered her with two fingers, curling them inside. Dina let out a moan and threw her head back.

“You’re always so wet,” Ellie said as she kept fucking Dina steadily, rubbing her clit with her thumb. Dina’s hips were trying to match Ellie’s pace and their eyes were locked. A few minutes later, Dina came with a lustful, throaty moan. Ellie took her fingers out and put them in her own mouth, licking them clean, her eyes never leaving Dina’s.

“You taste so fucking good.”

Ellie didn’t know what caused her to be like that when she was with the black-haired woman. Sure, she usually took control when she was with other girls, but it was only Dina who sparked something inside her, making her bossy and this confident. Perhaps it was the older girl’s attitude, always so arrogant and full of herself. It sure was insanely hot putting someone like that in their place.

Dina’s legs were still shaking and her breathing erratic, but she wanted to touch Ellie too. She tried to flip them over, but the auburn girl stopped her.

“I’m good, don’t worry. You should get some sleep, it’s past midnight already.” 

She wouldn’t mind being touched right now, in fact she wanted it, but her heart was like a hammer on her chest due to the drug and the sex, and she thought it would be better to calm down a bit. She didn’t want Dina to find out about it.

“I can’t sleep here.” Dina said, but didn’t move.

“Come on Dina, quit the attitude. It’s fucking late.”

“Where are you going?” The black-haired girl asked as Ellie went to the bathroom.

“I need a shower,” Ellie answered, closing the door. 

She turned on her shower, letting the water fall and stepping in. It took a few minutes for her body to calm down, but she was still a bit electric. She stepped out of the bathroom and saw that Dina was already asleep.

She put on an old t-shirt and panties, and layed down on the other side of the bed right after turning off the lights and covering them both with a blanket. She kept looking at Dina, admiring how beautiful the girl was. If only she wasn’t insufferable. She closed her eyes and begged for sleep to come.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // drugs and mentions of blood/injury.. nothing big tho
> 
> they finally soften on each other.. in a way
> 
> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!

Ellie felt like she had just closed her eyes when Dina was waking her. She opened them and realized it was still dark. Why the hell was Dina up so early?

“What the hell Dina? It’s not even morning yet,” She groaned and tried to go back to sleep again, but the other girl stopped her.

“I can’t find my clothes. In fact, I can’t find anything. Your room is a fucking mess.” She said a bit angry.

“And you need your clothes at what, 5AM?”

“Yes, I have to go. I even woke up without an alarm, probably the universe is helping me. Where did you put them? Come on.”

“Do you know there’s a thing called electricity? You turn the lights on and suddenly you can see everything in the dark!” Ellie said in a too ironic way, but Dina just kept staring at her with her arms crossed and almost naked, only with her panties on. It was dark but she was close enough to be seen.

She looked stunning.

But Ellie was too annoyed to even think about doing anything right now. “Also, I don’t know where your clothes are. I just took them off of you and shoved them away. Have you checked under the bed?”

“I can’t believe you just shoved them. You have no manners,” Dina said getting up and trying to find the light switch. When she turned the lights on, both girls squinted at the sudden brightness. Dina was now finding and putting her clothes on, and Ellie just kept looking at her.

“Do you always wake up this early?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s healthy to exercise every morning, and that’s what I do. Also, I like to prepare myself properly for the day,” Dina was now fully dressed, much to Ellie’s disappointment.

“Do you ever do something fun?” Ellie asked putting the covers on again, not really in the mood to get up.

“My family isn’t paying college for me to have “fun”. I’m here to study and be good.” She said matter-of-factly.

“I’ll rephrase. Do you ever do something for you and not for the others? Besides coming to my room, of course.” 

She gave Dina an amused look, causing the older girl to roll her eyes.

“How is that your problem?” The question clearly sparked something into her. She sounded pissed.

“It’s not. I hope you have a good day,” Ellie answered, done with the conversation and going back to sleep.

Dina took the opportunity to finally let herself out of the room. She was now heading towards her own place to prepare herself for the morning run around campus. The memories of the previous night never left her during her physical exercises. Who knew she would be into hot, rough-ish sex? 

Ellie made her feel so wanted and beautiful, something she didn’t always feel, despite being a popular girl. She guessed popularity didn’t always bring self-esteem. She probably is like every girl, Dina though. She didn’t want to read too much into it and she was certain Ellie slept with a lot of girls. Why wouldn’t she? She was attractive and knew exactly what to do in bed.

Also, somehow being a bit of a slob didn’t stop the girl from smelling so good. She tried as much as she could not to remember how she had clinged to Ellie during the night, because it was just too good to be next to her. If it wasn’t for her biological clock, she would probably have stayed in bed all morning, peacefully sleeping with the girl next to her (and having steamy morning sex).

She got to her place and gave up on the idea of going for a run; she was still very tired and could take a shower. The previous night had left her all sweaty. Then her mind went back to Ellie. When was the last time she had seen the girl playing the guitar on campus? She couldn’t tell. Besides, the auburn stopped looking so stoned all the damn time; she was more... electric now? Was something going on?  _ Doesn’t matter. It’s just sex. _

Dina shook her head and turned on the shower, glancing at the mirror and noticing a bite mark right above her left breast. She smiled looking at it, remembering how good it felt when Ellie was rough with her. She couldn’t believe this arrangement was true. Who would’ve thought their disdain for each other resulted in amazing sex? She wanted to talk to someone about it, but she couldn’t.

It was too embarrassing.

How would she justify fucking Ellie when her two friends thought she hated her?  _ Yes _ , thought. Because honestly? She didn’t. How could she hate someone who gave her all she needed? Dina loved being topped by Ellie, and deep down she knew she tried to rile the girl up just to get it. Besides, she was too damn beautiful to be hated, always wearing those cute flannels.

She stepped into the shower, letting the water fall into her.

“So, I saw you talking to some girl at the party. Were you making a move on her? And most important, did it work?” Dina asked Jesse, grinning at him. They were having lunch and finally being able to talk to each other.

He laughed a bit nervously before answering her. “Hm, yeah, I guess so. It was a one time thing, though,” he waited a few seconds to continue. “I actually want to talk to you about that. I mean, not about that, but about.. these things.” He was visibly nervous.

Dina stopped grinning and bit on her food. He wouldn’t try anything else with her again, would he? Their friendship was really good and Dina didn’t want to lose that. She also didn’t want a relationship with him. And not to mention the Ellie issue. How would Dina just turn up to him and say “sorry, we can’t be together ‘cause I don’t really see you that way, and by the way every now and then your former best friend whom I supposedly can’t stand fucks me!”. So she just waited for him to speak again, hoping for the best.

“Do you think I should make a move on Ashley?” She nearly choked on her food.

“Oh my God! I wasn’t expecting that.” She said trying to hide her smile, completely relieved.

“So.. is a bad idea, isn’t it? I’ll just let it go.” The boy was sounding a bit sad now, and Dina wondered what she should say.

Jesse was a serious, laid-back guy, while Ashley was more a free spirit person. The girl was always looking for something fun and got bored of things easily. Jesse on the other hand was much more quieter and wasn’t always in the mood for parties and stuff. Would the two be a good match? She couldn’t tell. They would definitely look very cute. But she didn’t want to give her friend false hope, so she decided just to be honest with him.

“Look, I think you two definitely look very cute together, but I actually have no idea what’s going on in Ash’s mind.” She chuckled. “And you know she won’t give me much info if I ask her about you.” He nodded at that. “Maybe you could get closer to her, bit by bit.. All I can say is I love you both and I want you two happy.”

He gave her a nervous smile. “Yeah, I understand. I just.. I think I like her, you know? She has this energy that makes me want to be around her all the time. This is really cool. Thank you though, I know you mean well.”

“No need to thank me,” Dina smiled at him and they both went back to their lunches. When they finished, Jesse talked again.

“So, you doing anything this weekend?”

“I don’t think so. I guess I’ll take the opportunity to rest, I feel like I need it.” It was true; she wasn’t in the mood to do anything and she wanted to spend some time alone. Maybe she would call her sister Talia to catch up.

Her relationship with her older sister was one of the best things Dina had in life. They used to fight and bicker a lot in their childhood, but that changed when they started to grow up. Talia was probably her actual best friend, but they lost a bit of contact because they were both very busy with college, and Talia’s med school was really far away from hers.

“Okay, see you again on Sunday for lunch?” He asked, getting up.

“See ya.”

“So, did you get a good score at that test?” The boy from the party, Tony, asked Ellie when the class ended.

“Yes, thank you so much for that, by the way.”

“No big deal. Hey, there’s a party tomorrow, just around there.” He said pointing to a building. “You will hear the noise and find it. I mean, if you wanna go, of course. I know we don’t talk much but I like having someone I know around. Feel free to bring that girlfriend of yours, yeah?”

Was he talking about Rachel? She had no clue. She thought about it and he seemed like a good guy, not to mention he wasn’t trying anything with her. Maybe she would go to the party.

“I’ll think about it. Thank you for letting me know.”

“Sure.” He gave her a smile and walked away.

Ellie decided to text Rachel, it had been a few days since their last encounter, and she kind of missed the girl’s presence.   
  
**Ellie** : hey Rach, wanna go to a party tomorrow? this guy from my class just invited me. he’s cool   
  
It didn’t take more than a minute for the reply to come.   
  
_ Rachel _ : sure babe. you know i miss having fun with you (;   
  
She smiled and continued her walk towards her room. Once inside, she inspected her surroundings, thinking her messy room was like a mirror to her personal life. She should definitely do something about it, but she didn’t have the strength nor energy for that. It would feel like trying to “clean” her personal mess inside and she knew she wouldn’t be able to go through it.

Her eyes fell on her wardrobe, and she considered letting it go, but it was like something inside was attracting her. The guitar. She picked it up and sat on the bed, letting the guitar fall into her lap, in a playing position. She started to play the chords to “Helplessly Hoping”, a song Joel loved and had taught her a while ago. It was a beautiful, melancholic song and she couldn’t tell if she was smiling or crying.

Perhaps both.

The next day at night, Ellie was sitting on Rachel’s bed, waiting for the girl to be ready so they could go to the party. They had already done a line of coke each to get through the night, and the drug was already hitting. She finally got out of the bathroom and motioned for Ellie to open the door. It took them a few minutes to find the party, and when they entered, it was already a blast. A couple of minutes in, Tony greeted them.

“Hey Ellie! Glad you made it. Hey you, I’m Tony.” He gave Rachel a smile.

“Rachel,” She smiled back at him.

“Tell me if you need anything, yeah?”

“Sure.” Ellie answered, and then he was gone.

“Let’s have some fun, yeah?” The blonde girl said kissing her.

Across campus, Dina was already in bed, about to go to sleep. She had finished studying what was needed and she picked her phone to call Talia, hoping her sister would answer it.

It took a couple of seconds, but the older woman finally answered it.

“Hey sweetie! Been missing you,” Dina smiled at that.

“Miss you too, sis. How are you? Everything good?”

“Yes, really tired though. At least I’m finally graduating from this university. What about you?”

“I’m good too, my grades are getting even better and I’ve been managing to study..”

“Dina, I asked how YOU are. Not your studies.” That caused Dina to frown. Was she good? Or just focused on college?

“I know... I’m fine, I guess.” She said with a huff.

“You guess?” There was a pause. “Look, sis, I know mom and dad act like studies and responsibilities are the most important thing in the world, and they are right a little, but you have to take care of yourself too, okay?”

Dina continued to stay silent, not sure on what she should say.

“Are you seeing someone?” Talia asked, trying to get her little sister to talk.

“I, uhm, don’t know.” What could the answer be to that question? Tell Talia she wasn’t precisely seeing someone, but just sleeping with?

“You don’t know?”

“I mean, I could say that I am, but it’s not exactly serious.”

“So it’s just casual sex?” She could feel Talia grinning.

“Maybe,” Dina answered, blushing.

Talia chuckled. “Well, nothing wrong with that. We all need fun. Just be careful with that, please?”

“I am, don’t worry.”

“Okay. Look, I have to go now.. we’ll talk more, yeah? Have a good night, D.”

“Bye, sister. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

The talk left a smile on Dina’s face. She missed Talia more than anything. And it felt nice to tell someone about Ellie, even if she didn’t tell her much about it. She was feeling better now and pulled the covers, not taking long for sleep to come.

Ellie had no idea what time it was, but guessed it was around 1AM when Rachel dragged her to a bathroom, locking the door. She opened her hand and Ellie looked at two pills of Ecstasy.

“How about we do this instead of coke tonight?”

“Yeah, let’s do it.” She could do with some change, she thought. They both swallowed the pills, grimacing at the awful taste. When it was gone, Rachel pulled her until they were kissing, and started to open the bottons of Ellie’s jeans.

“I miss having my way with you,” Rachel whispered while biting on the auburn’s ear. Ellie smiled, letting the jeans fall and stepping out of it.

Rachel ran her fingers through her folds, teasing her. After a moment she inserted two fingers into Ellie, and her thumb was working on her clit.

Ellie was moaning, enjoying the feeling and knowing she wouldn’t last long. The drugs always made her more sensitive and the blonde girl knew it.

“You like that?” Rachel asked in a husky voice.

“You know I do,” She gave Rachel a smile.

She came after a minute or so, letting her head rest on the door. When she calmed down, she tried to return the favor, but Rachel didn’t let her.

“No, I think I’m too wired. Let’s go back, yeah?”

“Okay,” Ellie put her jeans on again and left the bathroom.

The rest of the night went by like a blur, all Ellie remembered was seeing a lot of drunk, high people. She wasn’t complaining, honestly. The Ecstasy was hitting her really good, and it was not like there was anything better to do or a better place to be.  _ Maybe having Dina in my bed _ . She thought and laughed right after. She wished she could tell someone about that, especially Rachel.

Sometimes Ellie couldn’t believe she was actually fucking that hot, delicious, stubborn and spoiled girl. Honestly, the girl’s personality didn’t really bother her anymore. The fact she was a bit of a brat felt like a bonus. She let herself daydream about her until Tony sat beside her.

“Hey, having a good time?”

“I am, man. Thanks for inviting me,” She answered him honestly.

“Sure, it feels good to have someone from our class around. Don’t tell anyone, but our classmates are really boring, aren’t they?” He asked with a laugh. He was definitely drunk.

Ellie laughed back and agreed with him. “They are. Good to know someone thinks the same.”

They talked for God knows how long, and Ellie decided she liked his company. He was nice, didn’t try anything with her (she was obviously a lesbian, but either way) and it felt good connecting with someone from her class. Maybe she could find a friend in him after all.

When it was almost morning, she decided to go. The party was practically over and she was starting to get a bit tired. She said goodbye to Tony and met Rachel, who was tired too. The blonde tried to convince her to sleep with her again, but Ellie wasn’t feeling like it at the moment. She still walked Rachel to her room, and when the door was closed she didn’t know what to do or where to go.

Ellie was walking around the campus now, not really wanting to go back to her room just yet. She wasn’t feeling sleepy yet and the air felt nice. The final moments of her ecstasy high were making her more relaxed and her mind wandered all the time. She could feel herself smiling for nothing and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling for one last moment. That was, until someone hit her and she was on the ground.

“Ow!” Was that Dina’s voice?

It was. Now she was completely sober.

She opened her eyes and saw Dina in a weird position, trying to get up but not having much success. She inspected the girl and there was a red mark on her knee, probably blood, and her right foot looked bad. She stood up and moved towards her, trying to help.

“Of course it was you! Don’t you look where you’re going?!” Dina sounded very angry and Ellie was feeling bad now. She looked like she was in pain.

“I’m sorry, I just.. let me help you to get to your room alright?”

“I guess it’s the least you could do,” Dina huffed. “Let’s hope no one sees us.”

She ignored her comment, gesturing for Dina to slide an arm over her shoulder for composure and then held the girl’s waist to keep her even steadier. Since she didn’t know where Dina lived, so she let the injured girl tell her the way. She could see she was in pain, she winced at every movement and it took them much longer than necessary to finally get to the dorm. Dina opened the door and Ellie went in, still holding her and helping her to sit on the edge of the bed.

She closed the door and inspected Dina again. Her knee was bleeding and she couldn’t examine how bad the injury was on the foot area, since she was wearing trekking shoes. Her face showed serious discomfort.

“Hey, I’m gonna get a towel for your knee, then I’ll check on your foot. Hold up,” She said as she did so, picking a small towel and wetting it a bit in the bathroom.

She kneeled in front of Dina, who was still in the same position. She cleaned the wound and the blood with the towel, which caused Dina to wince hard, but she found out it wasn’t really serious and it wasn’t bleeding anymore, much to her relief.

“You won’t need stitches for this one.” She said feeling relieved and guilty at the same time. “Now, I’m gonna get these shoes off.. okay? Just hang tight.”

She took the shoe off very slowly, checking Dina’s face all the time to see how she was coping.

It didn’t seem to have any fracture, but it didn’t look good either. Her ankle was already becoming very swollen and she would probably need crutches for a couple of days.

“I don’t think it’s broken, but you definitely twisted it really hard. I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking.” She said with a sad voice. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know,” Dina said softly. They stood silent, looking at each other for a while, Ellie’s hand on her ankle holding it gently. Neither girl seemed to know what to do next, and Ellie was actually a bit sad to have caused this.

“It’s really hurting,” the older woman spoke weakly.

“I know. You have to go check it, like, with an actual professional,” Ellie said and rested her head on the girl’s leg. She wasn’t sure why she did it, but she felt like it. She looked at Dina again and saw that the girl seemed to be enjoying the contact. Then Ellie had an idea.

“Maybe I could distract you from the pain...” She said pressing a gentle kiss to Dina’s thigh, letting her other hand run over the girl’s legs. The older woman let out a breath and nodded her head a bit, asking Ellie to continue in a non-verbal way.

Ellie understood the message and started kissing the inside of her thighs, going up until she reached her running shorts. Dina lifted her hips, letting Ellie drag them down, along with the panties, and getting them out of her with extra care not to hurt her ankle. When they were gone, she got back to her task, pulling Dina closer to the edge of the bed and opening the girl’s legs to give her more space.

She could see how Dina was already getting wet, and it nearly drove her insane.

“Be quiet. People are sleeping,” Ellie warned in a husky, low, sexy voice.

After a few seconds of nibbling and sucking on her inner thigh, she finally kissed Dina’s center, then let her tongue run over the slit, using her hands to hold her in place.

The girl above her let out a breathy moan, trying as much as she could not to be loud. Ellie thought she had never heard something sexier. She kissed her there a couple more times, then started to gently lap at the girl’s clit, making circular movements, and now Dina’s hand was on her hair, holding her in place. The other arm was being used as a support not to let her fall on the bed.

The black-haired woman's head was spinning with pleasure now, the pain on her ankle completely forgotten. She was mesmerized at the sight of Ellie kneeled on the floor going down on her. This situation couldn’t possibly get any sexier for her. It was getting harder not to be loud, but she was trying her best. The fact that the room was completely silent except for her heavy breathing kind of turned her on even more.

She was getting close, and when Ellie entered her with two fingers she knew she wouldn’t last much longer. Her fingers were sliding into her easily, and Ellie’s tongue was running through her folds. It took a few thrusts and a couple of licks on her clit for Dina to come undone, letting out a loud moan. She couldn’t help it this time.

Ellie didn’t stop her work until Dina calmed down and pulled at her hair a bit, indicating she was too sensitive. The red-headed finally stood up and kissed the other girl fiercely, deepening the kiss as she held Dina’s hair with a tight, but yet gentle hold.

“Now you know how good you taste.” Ellie said with a sexy grin, and Dina smiled.

Were they actually smiling at each other?

The older woman gripped the younger’s shirt, bringing her close again. But that caused Ellie to lose her balance and bump into her ankle. Dina winced in pain one more time.

“Hey, you really need to check this out. I’m serious. Do you think you can call Jesse or someone else?” Ellie asked worriedly. Now the feeling in the air shifted, making both girls a bit uncomfortable.

“Yes, I will. Thank you for... helping me.” Dina could feel herself blushing. “Can you help me put my shorts back on?”

“Yeah, sure,” Ellie helped her to dress up and, then looked down, hesitantly. This felt too intimate and she didn’t know how to act. “Will you give me your number? I’m gonna feel really bad not knowing how serious the situation is.”

“I suppose so. Give me your phone.”

Ellie unlocked her phone and let Dina save her number, leaving the room and going back to hers immediately. What the hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man, really looking forward to your feedback on this one. what do y'all think? :)


	7. Chapter 7

THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE!

I always read every single comment (and thank you for doing so) and I'd like to say a few things about the whole drug theme. Before anything, I don't recommend the use drugs in any way shape or form, SPECIALLY cocaine.

I don't always overshare on social media, but I would never write anything with such theme if I wasn't experienced with drugs myself/seeing friends doing it. With that being said, Ellie's problem in this fic is based on such experiences and scientific studies. Her problem with drugs, specially cocaine, is kind of recent - if I recall, on chapter 2 she went through a whole week without them. People don't snore once and then suddenly they are chronic users ODing every week. Also, she mainly uses it outsides parties in moments of intense sadness or to help her going through a task (going to classes, studying), and this is a common behavior on new users. This is how addictions are built. If you are or know someone who's going on this path, please look for professional help and tell people you can trust about it. That's why drugs are so dangerous: you think you are in control, until you are not anymore. Don't play with this.

Unfornately I'll have to spoil my own work and say that things won't be getting that serious with Ellie here. I don't plan on making her ODing or becoming a chronical user, I want her to seek help before it gets that bad. But if you like drama, don't worry - there will be drama here, just not on that. 

But if you want a fic that goes 100% on that, this is not for you. I do believe I made a mistake on putting the "Drug Addiction" tag, so I'll replace it with "Drug Use". They are not the same thing. But this is not me telling you that "just" using isn't serious - it is, because one thing leads to another, and if you struggle with it, please seek help. I really hope things get better for you. 

I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, but that's why I always put TW on every chapter, even if it's already obvious that there will be drug use.

About Rachel: I really don't care about LIS, it was supposed to be Cat, but since Ellie dated her as a minor on the game I thought it would be.. weird to portrayl her using drugs and having sex? So I went with another american name. I searched about Rachel on LIS and there are similarities, but it wasn't on purpose. Ashley also isn't based on Ashley Johnson. 

Thank you for reading so far, it makes me smile knowing that the majority of you like this. I was a bit tired of the same dynamic on every fic (but don't get me wrong, I love most os the fics here!) so I went with this one, and I'm glad you like it too.

Next actual update will be likely on Wedsnesday. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // drugs
> 
> i think i might take a little longer than usual to update again bc college is kicking my ass.. fuck online classes, man
> 
> thanks to Nekko for editing my work!

Ellie let out an impatient huff and dropped her pen on the desk. Studying was pointless now. As much as she tried to do some exercises, her mind couldn’t let go of the encounter with Dina. Somehow, bumping into someone causing them to twist their ankle and then going down on them felt way more intimate than she would have guessed.  _ I guess anything seems intimate when you are used to just having hostile sex with the person. _

The most confusing part of it all was that she actually liked it, in that moment. Right now she wasn’t sure what to feel. She was of course sad for causing Dina pain; twisting an ankle is just awful. But was it that much of a big deal for her to feel the need to text the girl?

It’s not like Dina would die and the pain was probably already gone, since it happened in the early morning and now it was 8PM. It just felt right to be with her in that way, going down on her in a gentle way, making the pain disappear for a second and feeling Dina’s fingers in her hair, enjoying what Ellie was giving her. Not to mention how Dina was trying so hard to be quiet, letting out these cute little moans and heavy breaths. She was unable to stop a loud moan when she came, and Ellie was glad. It was an amazing sound.

The redhead was smiling at the memories, and cursed herself for it.  _ You are a fucking asshole, Ellie. You should have been paying attention not to bump into her. You fucking twisted her ankle. _

She decided to text her. It would be weird not to, considering she asked for her number.   
  
**Ellie** : hey, Ellie here. any news? how bad is it?   
  
Was it too much to ask for Dina to answer quickly?

She got up from the chair, feeling out of place and thought about calling her, but a second after her phone vibrated.   
  


_ Dina _ : doc said nothing is broken, only a twist. crutches for a week or so

**Ellie** : hows the pain?

_ Dina _ : way better. im putting some ice into it, it helps

**Ellie** : sorry again. i wasn’t paying attention

_ Dina _ : it’s okay

Ellie stared at the phone, not sure if she should reply anything more or let it go. She chose the second option; Dina was fine. She had nothing to worry about anymore on that matter. But her phone vibrated again.   
  
_ Dina _ : thanks for helping me after   
  
Ellie smirked before replying.   
  
**Ellie** : you mean for getting you to your room or giving you an orgasm?

_ Dina _ : shut up

_ Dina _ : both

**Ellie** : no need to thank me   
  
When Dina didn’t reply, she decided to let it go and grabbed her pen again, now feeling more in the mood for studying. But her body felt heavy on her and she wanted nothing more than to stay on her bed until morning.

_ I’m just gonna do a small line and finish this chapter. _

She did so, not wanting to think about how wrong it was.

“Who are you texting?”

The question startled Dina, who was getting used to the silence in the room.

“Oh, it’s nobody. I’m just checking social media.” She lied to her friend Ashley, feeling a bit bad about it. But her friend caught her by surprise again.

“Honey, you are already lying to me about your sex life, and now about this too? Is it the same person?” Ashley asked her softly, looking more sad than upset over Dina’s lying.

“What are you talking about Ash?” Dina was visibly nervous now and she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep with her posture.

“I saw a bruise on the inside of your thigh when the doctor was checking your ankle, Dina. Whoever it is certainly likes to leave a mark,” Ashley said with a laugh, but Dina didn’t laugh with her. In fact, the girl was dropping her face. Ashley saw it and spoke again. “Look, D. I’m not gonna lie to you, I am a bit sad about it, ‘cause I can’t understand why you did it.. you don’t trust me or something like that?”

“No, Ash, it’s not like that,” Dina said honestly. “It’s just.. it’s nothing serious. I’m not dating her or anything, it’s just sex.” And you think I hate her.

“So it’s a girl?” Ashley asked with a smile. “You know I have no problem with that, right?”

“Of course I know, that’s not the reason I’m keeping it lowkey. I just don’t wanna talk about it now, is that okay?”

“Sure, babe. I’m not pressuring you, I just want you to know that you can trust me, alright? You’re my best friend, Dina,” She gave Dina a smile.

“You’re mine too, Ash. Thank you for helping me today,” Dina said sincerely. 

When Ellie left she called Ashley and her friend took her to the college clinic. She tried to reach Jesse too but he didn’t answer, probably sleeping at the time. And after the clinic Ashley stayed with her the rest of the day, helping her to get used to the crutches and just making her company in general.

“Good. I think you’re set, right? If you need anything tonight call me please, I’m gonna go now ‘cause it’s already a bit late.” The black girl said getting up from Dina’s bed.

“Yes, you go rest. Thank you for helping today, Ash. See you tomorrow?”

“Yup. Goodnight D.” After that, Dina was alone in her room.

She changed into her pajamas, taking a bit longer than usual because of her injury, and got to the bed. It wasn’t late enough to sleep but she didn’t wanna do anything else. Studying wasn’t really necessary and she didn’t feel like it. Since when did she not feel like studying?

Honestly, she wanted to keep texting Ellie but couldn’t bring herself to do it. What would the girl think? They had no reason to keep talking.

It was pathetic that she couldn’t take her mind off of the girl. How embarrassing it was to be a bit happy that the incident happened?  _ It’s not my fault the feeling of Ellie’s mouth on me was the best thing ever. _ No. She would not think that. Her ankle hurt and she would need those damn crutches for a week. She couldn’t do her morning run anymore. Absolutely everything about the situation was awful and it didn’t matter what happened after.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, the thought of Ellie kneeled down in front of her mind again. Why everything with that girl had to be so fucking sexy?

_ “Now you know how good you taste.” _

The way she kissed Dina, making her taste herself made Dina lose her mind. She felt like the most beautiful, hottest woman in the world when she was with Ellie. The girl could boss her all the time and she would simply obey. It was intoxicating having the auburn on top of her.

Her cheeks blushed again and she shook her head, wanting to let go of the thoughts. She closed her eyes and started planning the next week in her head, cursing herself every time she wondered when she would be under control of the other woman again.

It was Thursday and Ellie was sitting waiting for Tony to get their lunch in the cafeteria. Their professor had appointed a group project and they chose each other as partners. Now they were going to have lunch and discuss what they were going to work on. Having a (sort of) friend in class felt really nice for Ellie; turns out being alone all the time wasn’t really the best thing in the world.

“So, you already know what we are doing?” The boy asked as he sat down on the table, handing her order.

“I was thinking we could divide it. You work on chapter 4 and I on chapter 5, what do you think? We can get it done a few days before the deadline to check if everything’s good.” She offered him.

“That can work, yeah.” He agreed and they both started eating their meals.

Ellie wasn’t exactly hungry at the moment, but she knew she should make an effort to put food on her stomach. She was already a bit too skinny for her own good and things were already bad enough for her to make them even worse.

“So, did you and your girlfriend enjoy the party the other day?” Tony asked her between bites.

“Yeah, we did. She’s not my girlfriend though.”

“Just fun?” He chuckled and Ellie felt herself blushing a little. “Can’t say I blame you, nothing wrong with that.”

Ellie laughed a bit and they resumed eating, talking about random things occasionally. When they finished, Ellie went to her place and thought about texting Dina.

It really annoyed her how the girl had occupied her mind throughout the week. Was she having a hard time to get used to the crutches? Was the pain 100% gone? Was she stressed out because she wasn’t able to do her morning exercises anymore? Was her ankle actually getting better so she could get rid of the crutches the next week?

Ellie fell on the bed completely frustrated. She thought about visiting her to check on the girl and get her questions answered, but that would totally be weird. It’s just a fucking twist on the ankle. Not a big deal AT ALL.

She exhaled and let her eyes close for a minute. Sleeping had never been easy for her but it was definitely worse than before now. She couldn’t remember the last time she had an actual good night of sleep. She was restless. Ellie glanced at the clock and saw it was 3PM. She decided she could try taking a nap, it wouldn’t hurt. It didn’t take long for her to drift to sleep.

Ellie woke up with a start. Her phone was vibrating and the room was completely dark. She grabbed her phone and saw it was already 7:30PM.  _ Why can’t I sleep like that at night?! _

There were a few messages from Maria, asking her if everything was alright. She rubbed her eyes and replied to her aunt, lying. She didn’t want Maria to worry about her, the woman already had a lot to do every day.

Maria was the closest thing to a mother she had. She and Tommy didn’t have any kids, and Ellie thought that made them more maternal and paternal towards her than usual. She didn’t mind though; in fact, she loved them for always being there for her when she needed.

She got up from her bed and decided to take a shower, feeling a bit lost.

She showered and got back from the bathroom, Dina crossing her mind again. Apparently the only time when she didn’t think about the girl was in her sleep. To hell with it. She unlocked her phone and texted her.   
  
**Ellie** : How's the ankle?   
  
She smiled when Dina replied almost instantly.   
  
_ Dina _ : fine. but I'm bored. wish i could do some exercise

**Ellie** : yeah it sucks. but next week is not so distant

_ Dina _ : but im bored now

**Ellie** : sorry again?

_ Dina _ : you should bring me your ps4. i could use some distraction

**Ellie** : Is this your way of getting me to your room?

_ Dina _ : shut up! im serious

**Ellie** : okay

_ Dina _ so are you coming?

Ellie was already unplugging the console and putting it on her bag. She put on jeans and a flannel, a little embarrassed at how excited she was to go to Dina’s room. _ I’m just gonna see if everything is okay with her, maybe have some fun and that’s it. _

It didn’t take her more than ten minutes to knock on the girl’s door.

The first thing Dina noticed when she opened her door was how Ellie was once again smelling good and how cute she was in that blue flannel. She didn’t realize she was staring until Ellie spoke.

“Gonna invite me in?”

“Uh, sure.” She stepped aside and Ellie entered the room.

“Why aren’t you using the crutches?”

“I just got up to open the door. See, I’m already sitting again.” She said as she sat on the bed, but Ellie was still standing. “You can plug the console on the TV?”

“Yeah, of course.” 

Ellie took the console out of her bag and did just that. Then, she sat next to Dina and enjoyed how the girl was already in pajamas, letting her smooth, creamy legs on sight.

“How’s the foot?”

“You already asked me that, you know. It’s fine, doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“Good.”

“What are we playing?”

“I thought you just wanted my console?” Ellie quirked an eyebrow. Dina rolled her eyes.

“Come on, just pick a game. I don’t know shit about games in general.”

Ellie scrolled through the dashboard, trying to decide which game she would be good at. She chose a horror one called Until Dawn, because she hadn’t played it yet and she guessed it would be fun.

It wasn’t. In fact, Ellie was sure this was by far the worst decision of her life. The game had a jumpscare every five minutes or so, and she found out Dina was pretty much the spookiest person on the planet. The girl was about to die after not even an hour of gameplay. Also, the game was all about making decisions and some of them you didn’t have much time to do. Needless to say they were arguing over every single option, complaining and blaming one another when something went wrong.

“She’s gonna die because of you,” Dina said angrily.

“You don’t know that! We’re like, not even halfway!” Ellie was losing her patience.

“I swear Williams, if you kill them all I’m never playing anything else with you again.”

“Oh God.”

Ellie was growing more impatient at every single Dina comment, and at one point she even offered the controller to the girl, but she refused saying she was too scared to play it.

“Can’t believe you are actually scared of this.” Ellie said with a laugh.

“Shut up! It’s not my fault this game has jumpscares all the time.”

When one of the characters started being chased, Dina got so scared she grabbed Ellie’s arm. They both noticed, but neither of them made anything about it. Ellie didn’t mind the touch and Dina felt a bit safer touching the girl, even if it didn't make any sense considering it was just a game.

Ellie had no idea for how long they’ve been playing – more like bickering – and when she checked her phone she saw it was already midnight.

“Oh, it’s pretty late already.” She showed Dina the time.

“Oh my God! I have to sleep,” Dina said, but Ellie wasn’t really convinced by her desperation. She turned off the PS4 and when she was about to get up, Dina stopped her.

“My ankle is hurting again, probably because I startled all the time and stayed in the same position for so long.”

Ellie looked into her eyes. The girl was lying.

Two can play a game.

“I can put some ice on it. Do you have any?” She offered.

“Yeah, it’s in the mini fridge. I guess it’s the least you could do.” Dina’s voice was becoming lower at each word.

Ellie opened the mini fridge and grabbed a pack of ice, and when she returned to the bed Dina was already lying down, looking at her expectantly.

The auburn girl sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed her leg, putting it on her lap. She then started to put the ice on the injured ankle, enjoying how Dina shivered. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, but Dina was starting to get impatient and decided to act on it.

“This game was such a bad idea. You made the worst possible choices, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna kill them all by the end of it.”

“Is that so?” Ellie said as she started to run the ice pack over Dina’s leg slowly, making the shorter girl shiver.

“Yep. You are such a bad player. Embarrassing, even.” Dina swallowed hard when the ice was on her thigh, but Ellie stopped right there. She wouldn’t give Dina what she needed that easily. Dina decided it was time to change the tactic. “You have no idea how wet I already am.”

Ellie tossed the ice pack aside with that, not giving a single fuck if it would melt on the floor, and made her way over Dina.

“I told you, that pretty mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble anytime, but you can’t help yourself, can you?” She said looking into Dina’s eyes and pressing her hand to the girl’s abdomen.

Dina didn’t answer, just pulled her closer until they were kissing. The kiss was slow and deep, and Ellie’s hand was almost at her right boob now. Ellie stopped and pulled Dina’s shirt up until her boobs were on display, and put one nipple into her mouth, using her hand to cup the other.

Dina moaned hard at this, her fingers tangling into Ellie’s hair. The auburn woman alternated between the girl’s breasts, making sure to pay equal attention to both. When she was satisfied, she kissed Dina’s neck and whispered into her ear.

“It sucks that you’re injured, you know?” She pressed a leg into Dina’s core. “’Cause I really want to put you on your hands and knees for me.”

That sent a shock through Dina’s body and she wanted more than anything to see Ellie naked, to be put on her hands and knees, but that would have to wait.

“Take your clothes off,” DIna demanded with pure need. Ellie pulled back to do as she was told. Dina took the opportunity to undress too, and soon both girls were naked, clothes scattered on the floor.

They kissed again, this time in a slow pace, and Ellie’s hand found Dina’ clit, making circular movements. Dina gasped and pushed her hand until she was touching Ellie too, enjoying how wet the girl already was.

The position was a bit clumsy but neither cared. Soon they were fucking each other, their mouths pressed together and leaving small moans in the air. It felt more intimate and desperate than the other times, and honestly? They didn’t care.

Ellie was fingering Dina with two fingers, amazed at how tight Dina was, and using her thumb to touch her clit, and Dina felt herself getting closer to the edge.

“Ellie, I’m gonna come,” She said between gasps.

“I’ve got you.” With that, Dina came loudly, not caring at all if someone would hear her. Watching Dina come brought Ellie to the edge too, and a few seconds after both girls were done, Ellie was still on top of her.

They were sweaty and the room smelled like sex. It felt so dirty and good.

Ellie didn’t know what to do. Should she leave? Probably. They weren’t girlfriends, after all. But it was really late and she didn’t feel like walking across campus now. Dina seemed to pick up on it and spoke for her.

“You leave in the morning. No sense in leaving right now.” She said with a sleepy voice, and her eyes were already closing.

Ellie got up from the bed to turn the lights off, and joined Dina on bed again, pulling the covers over them. For a second she got the urge to hold the other girl, but shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to be as distant as possible from Dina.  _ We don’t even like each other. _

They fell asleep soon, even Ellie who used to have trouble with it, and neither girl remembered to set an alarm.

Dina wasn’t sure what time it was she woke up, but she decided it didn’t matter. Why was her bed so warm all of a sudden? She felt a body next to hers, and apparently it had some sort of magnetism, because she was reaching for it. She opened her eyes a little and saw it was Ellie. 

_ Oh my God. _

Before she could pull away and freak out, the girl’s amazing scent invaded her, and she closed her eyes again, letting her nose touch the auburn woman’s neck. Ellie shouldn’t be so intoxicating. It wasn’t fair. 

She felt Ellie getting even closer to her, and it was rather strange considering they were not even close to be a couple, but she couldn’t care less about it at that moment. Worry about it in the morning.

She didn’t realize it was already morning.

Ellie was in that state where you’re not sure if you’re still dreaming or already awake. All she could tell was that there was a warm body pressed to her, and it felt good. The position was comfortable and their skin was soft. She used her arm to keep them even closer, wanting more of it. She felt a light kiss on her neck and cracked a smile. She didn’t remember the last time she had such a good night of sleep. And sex.

Now she was awake.

She opened her eyes and saw Dina barely sleeping in her arms. Dina, looking way too cute for her own good and starting to wake up. And there was sunlight invading the room.

What time is it?

She felt the urge to touch the girl, kiss her neck, her shoulder, the column between her breasts, her abdomen, her hips, her legs, the space between her-

Before she could do anything about it, a phone rang, startling them both.

They pulled away immediately, both embarrassed about it.

“Oh my God. We totally overslept.” Dina said freaking out a little bit and reaching for her phone. “It’s Jesse.”

That caused Ellie to flinch and go for her clothes. She heard Dina talking to him.

“I... I was really tired, I guess. Everything’s fine.” And she hung up, still freaking out a little.

She looked at Ellie and the girl was already dressed, now putting on her shoes.

“It’s the first time this happens. I can’t believe I skipped class.”

Ellie laughed. “You know, I’m the one who should be freaking out, not you.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m poor, or did you forget? If I don’t keep up with my grades I’ll lose my scholarship.” She explained.

“I’m sorry if I’m distracting you,” Dina said and Ellie shook her head, laughing again.

“Don’t apologize for being too hot,” She said touching the door handle. Should she kiss Dina before leaving? She wanted to, but why would she do that considering they weren’t even friends, let alone girlfriends?

Stop being insane, Ellie.

She suddenly felt very awkward and left the room, not saying anything else to Dina, and certainly not seeing Dina’s face of disappointment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who doesn't love a gaming+sex combo?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // drugs
> 
> that was fun to write i guess

In the two following weeks Ellie and Dina silently agreed they liked each other’s company (even though they still bickered a lot) and took a lot of opportunities to meet up, always in closed doors. Ellie was usually the one to make a “move” because Dina was too proud to do so and sometimes Ellie would tease the hell out of Dina just to make things even hotter and funnier.

_Ellie: come to my room tonight_

_Dina: i can’t. lots of things to study_

_Ellie: we can study together_

_Ellie: then go to the shower_

_Dina: hey, i’m on class rn. stop. shouldn’t even be texting you back being the top of the class_

_Ellie: at least somewhere you’re on top_

_Dina: shut up!_

_Ellie: so you’ll be at my place later or not?_

_Dina: idk. i’ll decide if i’ll come after the class. now bye_

_Ellie: oh, you will definetly ‘come’. i’ll make sure of that (;_

_Dina: stop!_

The only “but” was that they didn’t spend the night together anymore, also silently agreeing on this. They were still very much embarassed about what had happened in _that_ morning and didn’t want it to happen again. I mean, they kind of did want it to happen again but then they would have to think about what it meant and that was a no. So they would always get together not so late and leave in time.

Things were fine the way they were; they would fuck, tease each other and distract themselves for a while.

Ellie’s problem with drugs was still very much on, but she liked to thought it was getting a bit better. She kept telling herself she was only doing it to help her go through tasks and she shouldn’t worry about it too much, but whenever Joel or Tommy or Maria called she felt like dying.

She had been to two parties with Rachel but couldn’t bring herself to sleep with the girl anymore, or any girl whatsoever. Everytime she was about to have sex with them something stopped her and she couldn’t tell what it was. Was she having some sort of problem?

Of course Rachel was a bit pissed at her and didn’t understand what was going on, but the blonde girl still respected her and didn’t push anything nor fight with Ellie over it.

Her room was also changing, but not because of herself; everytime Dina came she cleaned it up a little bit, claiming it was “unbearable” to stay in such a messy place. Arguing with the older girl seemed pointless so Ellie just let her do it. The only issue with it was when Dina opened her closet to change the bedsheets and saw Ellie’s guitar.

_“Hey, you don’t play it anymore?” She asked with curiosity._

_Ellie hid her face in the notebooks, not wanting to say the truth._

_“No. It’s boring.” She hoped that would be enough._

_“Weird. Everyone who can play loves to play.”_

_“Well I guess I’m not everyone.” Ellie answered a bit bitter and Dina decided it would be best not to push it._

As for the sex, it was better than ever. Sometimes they would have “normal” sex, with Ellie still very much on top but a bit vanilla, and on other times Dina would act like a brat until Ellie’s bottons were pushed and the auburn girl would lowkey teach her a lesson.

_“You have the worst taste on movies, I swear.” The black-haired mumbled when Ellie scrolled through Netflix and picked a random horror movie._

_“Is that so?” Ellie simply asked, still reading the synopsis._

_“Yes. You know what? I’m going to study ‘cause I’m pretty sure whatever you choose it’ll be awful.” She said getting up and going to the desk. Ellie looked at her back and bit her lip at the ridiculous pajamas short Dina was wearing. She could basically see her ass and could swear the girl chose it on purpose. Then the idea of watching a movie became boring as hell._

_“How about you shut up for a second, hm?” Ellie said hugging Dina from behind and kissing her neck._

_“You could try.” The shorter girl replied, smiling and pushing her ass closer to Ellie’s front._

_Ellie pushed Dina down until the girl was bent over the desk, her body begging to be touched._

_“You make a single sound and I stop.” Ellie said pulling the shorts and underwear down, leaving Dina half-naked for her. She then started fingering the older woman slowly and firmly, kissing her neck and enjoying Dina’s heavy breaths._

As for Dina, she was very much satisfied as well. She felt less tense and worried all the time, but was still managing to study and do her obligations. Her grades weren’t flawless anymore, but she was still the best of her class. She just felt more relaxed and cooler.

She was still keeping it as a secret to her friends Ashley and Jesse, who apparently were dating. Well, apparently not. They were dating, it wasn’t really serious yet and Dina didn’t feel like the couple would last long enough and she couldn’t tell why, but still hoped for them.

To be honest, she was feeling weird about it all; not because she had feelings for Jesse because she truly didn’t, but she was starting to feel like an outcast. They still asked Dina to hang out with them but everytime she did it she felt like she shouldn’t be there. But deep down Dina knew she was the one who was hiding a lot from them and everytime she thought about telling about Ellie she would feel sick. She had no idea how to do it and chose not to think about it most of the times.

Another weird thing was how she was starting not to care at all about the whole “popularity” thing. What was the point of being popular if 99% of the people didn’t matter to her? It was all bullshit and pointless.

Due to her “complicated” friendship with Jesse and Ashley, she and Eric were becoming closer now. The boy never said anything about how sad he was to see Ashley with someone else, but he didn’t have to; it was visible and Dina felt for him.

But all of her worries were aboslutely gone when Ellie entered her room or vice-versa, and she enjoyed how nicer they were being to each other, even if they still weren’t friends per se.

_Dina was wearing only a shirt and a underwear, making some notes on her notebook on Ellie’s bed. On her side, there was an equally half-naked auburn girl, playing videogames with headphones on not to disturb her. It was Tuesday night and they finally stopped having sex, something that had been going on since their classes finished that day. Dina was pretty sure she would fall with she tried to stand up right now, her legs still weak and shaking from Ellie’s ministrations._

_“Hey, don’t you think we should eat something?” Ellie paused the game and asked Dina. She wasn’t precisely hungry, but she guessed the shorter girl was. They had spent a lot of energy, after all._

_“That would be nice. What do you want?” Dina answered, picking her phone to make an order._

_“Uh, pizza? Or hamburguers. I don’t care” The auburn said with a shrug._

_“Uhh, I don’t know. Those options are a bit fat, aren’t they? I think I should stop eating these things.” Dina said hiding her face. Even though she felt like the most beautiful woman on the planet when Ellie was fucking her, that wasn’t a constant. She still dealt with a low self-esteem about her body and herself in general._

_“Why the fuck is a girl like you worrying about that?” Ellie quirked her eyebrow._

_“What the hell do you mean by “girl like me”?_

_Ellie dropped the controller and lifted Dina’s shirt a little, pressing a kiss to her abdomen._

_“Hot, sexy, beautiful.” She said with a low voice, kissing the girl’s belly between every word. “A bit of a brat.” And now there was a bite._

_Dina let out a heavy breath, but shook her head and pushed the woman away._

_“Stop that, if I come one more time I might pass out.” Ellie chuckled at that, pouting a little._

_“Just order the damn pizza.”_

_Of course they bickered about the topping._

_____________________

It was Friday and the class had just finished when Dina approached Ashley and Jesse to ask what were they doing in the night, finding out they were going to the movies. They asked Dina to come with them but Dina would rather do pretty much anything other than be a third-wheel in their date.

She made some stupid excuse and went to her room, grabbing a sandwich for lunch in the way.

How pathetic it was that she wanted nothing more than go to Ellie’s room and spend the entire afternoon with the girl? And the night and the next day and then the next next day _. No! Stop that!_ But she didn’t want to invite herself again; she’d already done on Wednesday and she was sure Ellie already some plans for the weekend. Not asking her to come over was better than asking just to receive a “no”.

She was angry at how left-out she felt since their friends started seeing each other, but she would never talk to them about it. She couldn’t let anyone seeing this vulnerable version of her; she didn’t want people knowing she was insecure and not always on control of everything.

Maybe that’s why Ellie having her _under_ control felt so good. Letting go of social pressure to be perfect shouldn’t be this relaxing. And she couldn’t care less about what Ellie thought of her because it’s not like they cared about each other anyways. _No. I don’t care about her. I just like being with her because she’s hot and that’s all. Plus, feels really nice to make a girl beautiful like her to come every once in a while._

The truth? She was growing more and more curious about the auburn girl. What happened between her and Jesse? Why did she stop playing the guitar? Why was the guitar on her closet? She didn’t buy the whole “boring” thing.

Not wanting to think about Ellie and how she felt alone without friends, Dina grabbed her bag and went to the library. A good afternoon of studies could distract her from everything else and make her feel good about herself. But on her way, she caught side of an auburn girl with green eyes talking (a bit too closer) to a random blonde girl.

The blonde was definetly flirting with Ellie. And Ellie seemed to like it. Why wouldn’t she? The girl was more than pretty and looked like a fucking model. Dina wasn’t dumb and she knew Ellie had a lot of girls all over her, attracted by her beautiful figure and kind of a mysterious posture; but it didn’t stop her from being a bit annoyed to see it. _Why does it matter?_ Dina thought and continued her way to the library, cursing herself for letting this small distraction get to her.

_____________________

Of course Dina had to to have a wet dream about Ellie when she got home from the library and let herself take a quick nap. The universe just wouldn’t help her at all. _Maybe a cold shower will help it._

It didn’t.

_____________________

“Come in, I’m just gonna finish my make-up.” Rachel said as she opened the door, and Ellie let herself in. She and Rachel had lunch together earlier that day and the girl flirted shamelessly with Ellie, begging her to spend the night with her after a party. She sat in the girl’s bed, not sure if she wanted to go. But she guessed it would be better than staying alone in her own place on a Friday night. At least that’s what she told herself before grabbing a bag of coke and lining the drug for her and Rachel.

She did a line and Rachel followed her, the make-up already on. But apparently the girl changed her mind and sat on Ellie’s lap, grabbing her by the shirt.

“You know what, forget about this party. It’s been ages since our last fuck.” She was kissing and biting on Ellie’s neck, hard enough to leave a mark. “What do you say we make our own party here, just the two of us?”

It was a nice proposal, the drug was already hitting her hard and having sex was definetly something fun. But as much as she tried to get in the mood, she couldn’t. She was about to use some excuse when her phone vibrated. She picked it up while Rachel started unbouttoning her flannel and saw that Dina was texting her. What a great timing.

_Dina: took a nap and had a wet dream about you._

_Dina: come over?_

It was all Ellie needed.

“Hey Rach.. I think I’m gonna go back to my room, yeah?” She said as gently as she could, trying not to piss the blonde off, but failing on it.

“What the fuck Ellie?” Rachel said angrily, getting up from Ellie’s lap.

“I’m just not in the mood.” The auburn girl shrugged and was already at the door. When she saw that Rachel wouldn’t say anything, just stare at her angrily, she opened it and made her way to Dina’s.

She was very high but she didn’t care. Spending the night having sex with Dina was by far the greatest option she had. She knocked on the door and smiled when Dina opened it and grabbed her, pulling her inside the room and closing the door.

“Hey.” The shorter girl was pressing Ellie on the wall, kissing her shamelessly.

“Hey.” Ellie said back, palming Dina’s ass with her hands.

They stayed like that for a while until Ellie decided she wanted Dina now. Naked and on the bed. She grabbed the girl by the hips, earning a moan, and took her to bed, lying on top of her. The black-haired woman was way to happy over the fact Ellie came to her room; she texted that message without thinking much and out of desperation and she would probably want to kill herself if the auburn girl didn’t care about it.

Dina was noticing how the taller woman seemed too eletric and a bit weird. Was Ellie drunk or something like that? Her breathing was different too and she had just started to get worried but then Ellie’s hand cupped her breasts and suddenly it didn’t matter anymore. She unbutonned the girl’s flannel and took it off, throwing on the floor. Sadly there was a shirt beneath it, and she wanted to take it off too, but she noticed a bruise on Ellie’s neck.

“What the fuck is that?” She said, stopping the kisses.

“What?” Ellie had no idea what Dina was talking about and she didn’t care, so she tried to kiss the dark-haired woman again but was stopped one more time.

“That bruise on your neck. Looks.. recent.” Dina was angry now. “Were you fucking someone else when I texted you?”

“What? No.” Why was Dina asking that? “Why does it matter anyway?” She could feel herself becoming angry too. Couldn’t they just fuck?

“Well ‘cause it’s fucking gross if you were. You can’t have sex with someone and then come here to fuck me too.” Dina’s voice was louder now. The girl was clearly pissed.

Ellie knew she shouldn’t argue with people when she was high on cocaine, but she couldn’t stop. Specially because Dina was making a big deal out of nothing.

“How is that important to you Dina? You think I’m a loser, would rather die than being seen with me and now you want to boss around my sex life?” Ellie’s tone was matching Dina’s now. “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Dina could say a lot of things; she could say how she didn’t give a fuck anymore if someone found out about them, how the thought of someone else having sex with Ellie killed her even though she tried really hard not to care about it, and how her encounters with the taller girl were the best part of her week. But instead, she chose to say the worst possible thing she could.

“You’re right. I’d rather die than being seen with someone like you.” She regretted it immediately.

That did its job. Ellie looked at her blankly, processing the words. For a fraction of second there was hurt in her green eyes. Then she replied without a single hesitation in her tone.

“I admire how high you think of yourself, Dina. For me you are just a spoiled girl I fuck whenever I’m bored.” And she left the room, slamming the door.

Dina hated herself at the moment for how she was already on the verge of crying, not sure what hurt her the most: the awful thing she had said to Ellie or the other girl’s words. She looked at the flannel on the floor, angry at how it was there. Ellie could’ve at least picked it up so she didn’t have to look it.

She left if there, getting onto the bed and crying herself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would say i'm sorry.. but i'm not 😏


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all i loved your reactions to the last chapter lol the angst is here and it's very much real
> 
> okay so i have bad and good news. the bad is that college is fucking crazy and i think i will only be able to write on the weekend..
> 
> the good is that the next time i update, i will update it again in a spawn of 2 days or less. i'm not exactly happy with this one but the next ones it's something you'll really like AND dislike to read at the same time.. i'm excited!

Dina wasn’t one for having regrets in life. She thought it was dumb because you literally couldn’t go back and make things differently, so there was no point on dwelling on the past. Life moved on and that was it. It was pointless to be stuck on the past when you could just try making better choices on the future.

But ever since Ellie left her room, regret had been tormeting her. Why did she say that? She knew Ellie having sex with someone than going straight up to have sex with her too was indeed messed up; but that didn’t give her the right to say such an awful thing.

And it was not even true. Ellie was absolutely stunning. Smart. Calm. Gentle. It would be an honor to be seen with her, actually. But she was the one who started with this “people can’t find out about us” mess and now even though it didn’t matter anymore she didn’t know how to take it back. It seemed like it only got harder to reverse the situation. So it was easier to dwell on the bullshit.

Maybe deep down she wanted to hurt the girl a little bit, because it seemed better than dealing with her own hurt over the thought of someone else being with Ellie. Dina had no right to feel this when she was the one who kept pretending the pseudo relationship didn’t exist. Why wouldn’t Ellie be with other girls, specially being that attractive? And why would Ellie think high of Dina when the thing Dina did the most was humiliate her?

_For me you’re just a spoiled girl I fuck whenever I’m bored._

It hurt but it was the truth. Maybe that’s precisely why it hurt so much.

On the other side of the same coin, things were different.

Ellie was sure if there was one constant on her life, it was regret. She regretted everything. She regretted getting up from bed every morning; she regretted not making a single effort to have a nice day everyday; she regretted how sometimes she would wish she was dead; she regretted using Joel’s money in the wrong away; she regretted doing cocaine; she regretted lying to her family. Fuck, she would even regret being born if this had been her own choice.

So the regret of calling Dina a “spoiled girl she fucks whenever she’s bored” wasn’t a surprise to her. But it hurt nonetheless. Yes, the girl was indeed a bit spoiled, it was a fact. But she was _so_ much more than that. She was beautiful and sexy and smart and even funny. And she was right; _about not wanting to be seen with me_. Ellie saw herself as a broken mess who did cocaine and didn’t deserve Joel or Tommy or Maria or anyone for that matter. She would just disappoint everyone. Always.

Meanwhile, Dina was pretty much the opposite. The girl deserved better, even just for sex. But was it just sex, after all?

Well, it had to be because it was over.

The ironic part of it all was that Dina thought she was sleeping with several people but she wasn’t. She didn’t even remember the last time she had sex with Rachel or someone else. On that night she was sure she would have stopped eventually, even without the text. It just felt wrong to be with someone else.

And it was stupid because Ellie really wasn’t the dating type and Dina wouldn’t certainly date her and she didn’t know why the hell she was even thinking about that now. It just wouldn’t happen and if it did (it wouldn’t though) Ellie would probably screw everything over.

Just like she did with her friendship with Jesse.

Rachel was pretty much the only person in her life right now and she was sure it was more because of the drugs and sex (althought that wasn’t happening anymore) than because the girl actually cared about her.

There was also Tony but their friendship was still too recent and she was afraid of getting attached to him just lose it like she lost Jesse.

She was miserable all the time and back on doing more cocaine than she should, missing Dina, avoiding her own mind and lying to her family; the only people who still cared about her.

_Can’t I fucking die already?_

__________________________

It was Thursday once again and Dina was lunching with Eric. Ashley and Jesse’s thing was getting serious and unfortunately Dina was distancing herself even more from them. She couldn’t stand their happiness when she was fucking miserable and she felt like the worst friend in the world, but couldn’t help it at the same time.

They were on a cafeteria eating when someone approached them and asked for a vacant chair of their table. Eric said they could take it and Dina looked up, surprised to see a kind of known face. It was the blonde girl who was flirting with Ellie on that afternoon. She was glad the girl was gone quickly so she wouldn’t have to stare at her any longer but Eric seemed to pick up the tension on her eyes and asked her about it.

“Do you know her?” He asked with interest.

“No, not really. Why?”

“I’ve seen her in a few parties. She’s really gorgeous.. though she’s always with a red-head. And they seem pretty out of it sometimes.”

Dina was interested now.

“What do you mean?” She tried to hide her desperation.

“Well, last time I saw them they were definetly on something. Didn’t seem like alcohol. But maybe I should just take care of my business.” He shrugged.

What was Eric talking about? Could Ellie be doing drugs? She knew the girl smoked pot but that wasn’t a big of a deal, was it? Maybe she used those pills, ecstasy? Could be that. But didn’t seem like something she would do at all. But then again, it’s not like Dina actually knew stuff about her. And she wasn’t really in the place to care.

“What are you doing this weekend?” The boy asked her.

“Nothing, I guess. Ash and Jesse will probably be too busy fucking themselves and I don’t feel like interrupting it.” She saw how he dropped his face at the mention of the couple and felt bad about it. “We could hang out? Better than staying alone, I’m sure.” She offered him.

“I would love to Dina, but I’m going to my hometown tomorrow, see the parents and whatever.”

“Oh.”

She then felt even more pathetic. This would have been a great opportunity to spend time at Ellie’s but that was over too. She finished her meal and went back to her place, angry at herself and frustated.

__________________________

Across campus Ellie was having a hard time trying not to do cocaine out of nothing or just close her eyes and hope for her death. She had had a bad grade on a test and now she was on serious danger of losing her scholarship. She would have to take a 90% on the next one to keep it and she didn’t know if she could make it. If not, it would be her downfall and she was already _down_.

Her phone was vibrating and she picked it up, almost praying for it not be Joel or her uncles. Thankfully, it wasn’t.

_Tony: hey, sorry about your test. theres a good party tomorrow tho, wanna come? you could use some distraction! bring rachel!_

She smiled a little at his kind words; the boy certainly made her classes less boring and uninteresting. She still wasn’t sure why he liked her so much because in her head no one had a simple reason to do so, but was still very glad to have him in her life now. And she wondered for how long he would stay on it until she messed everything. She exhaled and replied to him, saying she would think about it.

And there was another text from Rachel herself.

_Rachel: hey stranger, is everything okay with you? we should hang out tomorrow_

She really did NOT want to go this party. She didn’t want to do anything, actually. But it could be good for her to distract a little – like Tony suggested - from her own sick life. Maybe she would finally have sex with someone else and go back to her pre-Dina life.

Not that pre-Dina had been actually good.

__________________________

It was Friday and Dina came out of the bathroom after showering, feeling more bored and sad than ever. Her life simply sucked at the moment. Her friends were out without her, her new friend Eric was out of town and she had to deal with the fact that Ellie was probably out on a random party making out with someone, not even remembering her existence. Why couldn’t Dina just have acted like a normal person? Starting that fight was an awful idea, even if she had a little bit of reason for not wanting to have sex with Ellie in that condition. She had no right to say what she said just to hurt the other girl’s feelings.

She was so frustated she didn’t even care if Ellie saw her as a spoiled girl she fucks whenever she’s bored. Well, she did a little. A lot. But at the moment she just wanted the green eyed girl all over her, making her come undone.

She opened her closet and pulled an underwear, thinking she should just dress her pajamas and go to bed already. But then a navy blue flannel caught her sight; Ellie’s. Dina had washed it and put it on the closet, not really feeling like giving back to her because she didn’t know how she would just show up on her door and hand it. She picked it and ran her hands over it. Then a really crazy thought crossed her mind and before she could push it away she was already putting on the auburn girl’s clothes.

She looked at herself in the mirror and felt.. sexy? She buttoned only a few buttons, leaving a cleveage on sight but nothing too revealing. Her thighs were on full sight and for the first time in a long time she felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. In the rush of emotions she grabbed her phone and took a picture with the back camera, poiting to the mirror and showing her full body, stopping at her lips. What was going on with her?

_You know what? Screw it._

Going for Ellie’s number on her messages, she attached the photo and sent it, writing something right after.

_________________

Ellie had just arrived to the party, still sober (her cocaine was over and Rachel’s too, so they would drink and maybe take ectasy), when her phone vibrated. She was already regretting – once again – coming in the first place but now it felt too late to leave and she didn’t even find Tony yet. Rachel was gone to get them some drinks and she sat on a couch, not caring if there were people making out beside her.

She opened her phone and much to her surprise it showed a text from Dina with a file attached. She furrowed her eyebrow, confused, and opened it.

She nearly dropped her phone.

It showed a photo, apparently recently taken, of Dina wearing _her_ flannel. And an underwear. With absolutely nothing else.

Right below it there was a simple message.

_Dina: i wish you were here._

Was this real? Had Dina just sent her a semi-nude? Saying she wished Ellie was there? Ellie couldn’t take her eyes off of it. She looked so fucking good. Stunning. So Ellie did the only thing she could do it in that moment.

_Ellie: i’ll be there in 5_

And she left the party, not saying goodbye to Rachel or anyone.

_________________

Dina felt high on adrenaline when she got the text back from Ellie. She was starting to freak out over what she had done but then those few words got her back on her feet again. Ellie missed her too. And she was coming.

Her heart was racing and when she heard a knock on her door; she went to open it right up, not even thinking about the possibility of being a random person and not Ellie. Thankfully, it was Ellie.

“Can I come in?” The taller girl asked hesintantly, running her eyes over Dina’s body, still not really believing this was seriously happening.

Dina didn’t say anything, just pushed her inside, kissing her like she meant it. Soon Ellie was kissing her back with the same force, running her hands all over the older woman’s body. Dina took one of Ellie’s hands and pulled her to the bed, moaning when Ellie hovered over her and pinned her arms.

But Ellie changed her mind about going all fast and rough with her. She wanted to take her time tonight. She looked down at Dina and couldn’t enjoy more how beautiful and sexy she was wearing her flannel. At that moment, she just wanted to kiss every inch on her. And that’s what she did.

She unbutonned the flannel, but still kept it on. Leaning down, she pressed kisses on Dina’s abdomen for a while, until she reached the girl’s boobs. Ellie wasn’t sure for how long she stayed there, using her tongue to tease the nipples and her hands to cup them, hearing Dina moan above her; she only stopped when the black-haired girl pulled at her hair, motioning Ellie to come and kiss her on the mouth.

“You are so beautiful Dina. I missed you so much.” Ellie said between kisses, not really thinking or caring.

The confession sparked something into Dina. The rush of adrenaline was back and she grabbed Ellie’s hair, making the younger girl stop and stare at her.

“Go down on me.” She ordered. “And look at me while you do it.”

It was almost impossible to tell which girl was more shocked at Dina’s bossy attitude. But at least for Ellie, it was a “good” shock. She simply nodded and obeyed, taking the underwear off with her teeth and opening the woman’s legs, always maintaining the eye contact.

She ran her tongue over Dina’s slit several times, enjoying how wet the girl was, before focusing on her clit, applying pressure. She stayed like that for a long time, but whenever Dina gave signs of getting to the edge and finally coming, she stopped, not wanting the moment to end yet. Dina was gripping the sheets with one hand and pulling at Ellie’s hair with the other.

“Come on.” She whined when Ellie stopped her movements again. “Don’t torture me.”

The auburn simply smiled and entered her with two fingers without warning and fucking her slowly and steady, making Dina threw her head back.

It didn’t take more than five minutes for the black-haired woman to come, moaning loudly.

Ellie waited for Dina to calm down and crawled up again, kissing her intensely. They stayed like that for a couple of time, just kissing and enjoying each other’s presence. Things were heating up again but instead of going further and letting them lose themselves on sex one more time, Dina decided she couldn’t keep her feelings anymore.

“I don’t want you sleeping with other people.” Dina said softly, hating on how she wasn’t able to stop it from coming out of her mouth.

“I’m not.” Ellie said with honesty. Dina could see in her eyes how she wasn’t lying and felt a wave of relief and guilt hitting her. “It’s been a while since it’s just you.. on that day, I stopped it before it went any further.”

“Oh.” Dina wasn’t expecting that. Could this mean something? Did Ellie stop because Dina was enough? Even if she could have pretty much every sapphic girl on campus, including the blonde model one? She ran her thumb over the auburn girl’s mouth, admiring how beautiful her face was.

And Ellie was kissing her again, gentler this time. They kissed for more time, and then things heated up they had sex again. And again.

________________

Ellie had just came on Dina’s mouth when they decided it was enough for the night. Ellie knew it was late and she was about to get up and leave (even though she didn’t want to) but Dina stopped her.

“Stay?” She looked at Dian’s pleading yes and just couldn’t say no.

“Okay.” They smiled at each other and there was so many things unsaid in that moment.

_I’m sorry._

_I didn’t mean it._

_I think I like you._

Of course they weren’t ready to say them yet; but it didn’t matter. Spending the night together and everything they’d done were enough for now. They were both relieved and happy to be with each other again, even if they weren’t still voicing their feelings and being completely honest with each other.

“So.” Ellie broke the silence. “You got really bold tonight, hm?” And there was a smirk.

“Oh, shut up.” Dina’s face was red from embarrasment and Ellie laughed hard, kissing her neck softly.

“I liked it. Bossy Dina can show up again anytime.” She was grinning at a still very embarassed woman. “And I don’t think I want that flannel back. Looks way better on you. As for the semi-nude.. I don’t think I need to say how much I liked it, eh?”

“Well, I’m glad.” Dina smiled and closed her eyes, trying to stop herself from smiling and failing on it. Suddenly she felt very tired and was starting to fall asleep.

Ellie stayed looking at her until sleep found her as well.

Throughout the night they got closer and hugged at each other, but neither of them really cared. It didn’t matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> power bottom dina to change things a little


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the huge gap but i've been dealing with dehydration since my country decided to be the hottest place on earth, plus the college thing.. 
> 
> i'll try really hard to post a new one within the next two days like i said before but i'm not making any promises :/
> 
> hope you like the chapter

Dina didn’t know it was possible for someone to be relieved and distressed at the same time. It felt like a contradiction. But then again, everything with her relationship with Ellie was a contradiction.

She was relieved to be spending more time than ever with the girl. They would text each other everyday, sometimes just to talk about whatever and sometimes to invite one another over to their rooms. It was the second week after their “make up” sex and the hostility was gone – but the teasing and bickering were very much on. But it didn’t bother anymore. It wasn’t serious. It was fun. It was.. them. It felt good.

One new thing was that they were spending the nights now. Sometimes they would even fall asleep hugging each other like it wasn’t a big deal, and those nights were the ones where they both slept better. Ellie’s warm body was better than the coziest blanket in the world.

Not to mention the perhaps best part of everything: the morning sex. Dina was convinced this was the best type of sex now. Sometimes she would wake up before the alarm and instead of being pissed she would actually celebrate it silently. Since Ellie didn’t wake out of nothing, she would press small kisses to the girl’s neck until she did so and they would have lazy sex. Having an orgasm first thing in the morning certainly helped her to go through the day.

And for the distressed part? Well, they were still behind closed doors.

Dina knew she was the one who had to bring it up because she was the one who imposed that condition in the first place, but she didn’t know how. Everytime she thought about talking to Ellie and saying she didn’t care anymore about what people would think she would get a little ashamed and give up.

What would Ellie think?

Everything about their relationship was unspoken and it was eating both of them alive.

The truth is, Dina was falling for Ellie. Everything about the auburn girl mesmerized her; her freckles, her eyes, her voice, her body, how everything about her was so mysterious. She wanted to ask Ellie about her family, about Jesse, about the guitar, about a picture of a woman – she was 99% certain it was Ellie’s mother – that in some days would be in the small table beside her bed and some days it wouldn’t be on sight.

Was she gone? Likely, considering Jesse had told her once about Ellie being adopted.

Did Ellie like her adoptive family? How were their relationship? Did she miss them in college? Would she visit them in the holidays?

Was she in the place to ask about all of this?

No. She wasn’t. And she didn’t know how to change it.

She lied on her bed and exhaled. Her exams were coming up and she was studying harder than ever. She was about to get up and go to the library when she received a text from Ellie, making her smile widely.

Ellie: studying sucks. don’t know how you love it so much

Ellie mentioned how she had to get a 90% score on a test on the next day to not lose her scholarship, and they weren’t going to meet up today because she had to focus on her studies.

_Dina: i don’t love it. i do it because it’s needed_

_Ellie: you’re boring_

_Dina: how is it going? think you’ll do well?_

_Ellie: yeah, it’s hard but i think i can manage_

_Ellie: you’re coming tomorrow right? after the test_

_Dina: it depends.. you want me to?_

_Ellie: please, you know i do_

_Dina: then i’m coming_

_Ellie: can’t wait_

_Dina: (((:_

_Ellie: (((((:_

She smiled even wider at the interaction and got up from bed, now feeling better. She would go to the library, study, sleep, wait until afternoon and then she would go to Ellie’s. It was a perfect plan.

___________________

It was 8 p.m and Ellie was already exhausted from her studies. Although she was managing to understand everything, her body felt deader by every minute. And the worst part is that she had two more chapters to go. She exhaled angily and grabbed her last bag of cocaine, staring at it. She wasn’t doing it often and was seriously thinking about not buying it again; she had to stop this before it got too late. But today she couldn’t fight it.

_I’m just gonna finish this one to help me and then I’ll never do it again._

She promised herself, part of her not really believing in it.

She rolled a dollar and did it, putting the rest of in back in her drawer.

Ellie thought about how her relationship with Rachel went downhill and they weren’t even talking to each other anymore. Ellie had been ignoring the blonde girl until she decided to comfront Ellie about what was going on until the auburn finally told her the truth: they wouldn’t sleep together anymore. Rachel was pissed at it at first, then simply said it was okay and to Ellie text her when she changed her mind. But Ellie was nowhere near changing her mind about the subject.

She resumed to her studies, wishing for it to be over soon so she could spend time with Dina.

She smiled at herself at the thought of the girl; she missed her. She knew she was starting to have feelings for someone who once she despised and it terrified her. She couldn’t fall for a girl who didn’t even want to be seen with her.

Honestly, she didn’t really believe Dina was still with that feeling, but she was the one who had to say something about it. Ellie didn’t want to humiliate herself. Also, maybe it was best for them to keep it that way. Ellie never dated anyone before and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to treat her properly.

She shook her head, angry at herself for creating false hope. Dina would never date someone like her. It was just sex and company. Nothing more.

She went back to her book, wanting the time to go faster. 

___________________

Dina was in her room waiting for Ellie to text her saying she could go. She had just lunched and was thinking about taking some notes on a chapter when her phone started calling; it was Talia. She smiled and answered it.

“Heeey.”

“Hey sis! How are you? You’ve stopped texting me.” Her voice wasn’t accusatory; more concerned than anything.

“Yeah, I guess..” It was true. She missed her sister but the last weeeks had been like a rollercoaster of emotions (and still were, to be honest) and she didn’t have time or energy to talk to her. She felt a bit bad.

“So, what are the news? I don’t have many, sadly. I’m just studying like hell and not having time for other things.”

She bit her lip. This was the perfect opportunity for Dina to talk about her thing with Ellie.

“Do you remember when I told about a fling I was having with someone?” She said hesitantly.

“Yes. Let me guess: you fell for them.” Talia was the worse.

“You suck.” Dina said after a long pause, and her sister laughed on the phone.

“I told you to be careful, honey. But what about it? Don’t they like you back?”

Dina didn’t know how to answer this one. Did Ellie like her back? She was sure Ellie didn’t see her as just a convienient fuck. But was there more to it?

“I don’t know, honestly. We don’t talk much about our feelings and personal stuff.” Or ever.

“Ever think about doing that? You should be honest with them, Dina. Don’t hold back your feelings.”

“What if they don’t like me back? I don’t think they are the dating type honestly.” She was actually _certain_ Ellie wasn’t the dating type.

“Then you will have tried and will be able to stop sleeping with them because that you will only get you seriously hurt.”

Talia was right, she guessed. But she didn’t want things to end with Ellie. It was pathetic but she wouldn’t be able to stop seeing her even if the girl didn’t like her back.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She gave up; Talia didn’t need to know that last part.

“Aren’t I always?” She could feel her sister smiling through the phone, also smiling right after. “You will tell me? How did it go?”

“Yes, of course.” If I get the courage to do so.

They talked about random things for some more time until they hung up. Dina was mad at her sister for giving her hope and somehow strenght to voice her feelings to Ellie. Being true to the girl was also a way of being true to herself; and she was tired of doing the opposite.

It seemed like her whole life was about pleasing everyone else other than her. Being the best daughter, the best student, the best friend. And with that she could never be the best for herself if that meant giving up her feelings and wants to maintain an appearance.

She would tell Ellie how she felt. Even if it meant giving herself room to lose everything with the girl.

Ellie texted her saying she had arrived at the her place and Dina heavily breathed, opening her door and going for it.

___________________

Dina knocked on Ellie’s door, and the auburn opened it immediately. As soon as the door was closed her they kissed softly, happy to finally be able to be with each other again.

“Hey.” Dina said running her hand through Ellie’s hair.

“Hey.” Ellie replied with a smile.

“I’m just gonna use the bathroom, okay?” Dina said letting of the taller woman.

Ellie nodded and sat on her chair, organizing her desk while the girl was away.

Dina got out of the bathroom after a few minutes and scanned the room before sitting on Ellie’s lap.

“How was the test? You did well?” She said pressing a kiss to Ellie’s lips.

“I think so, yes. But I don’t wanna think about that now.” Ellie said with a smirk and kissing the column of Dina’s throat.

“How about.. if you get the score, I’ll let you do whatever you want with me.” Dina whispered softly in her ear, kissing her neck after. Ellie shivered and squeezed her ass.

“Don’t I already do whatever I want with you?” She smiled and grabbed Dina by the back her thighs, lifting her and moving them to bed.

“Maybe. Maybe not. You’re gonna find out.” The shorter woman said with a smile.

“And if I don’t get the score?” Ellie was now running her hands through Dina’s legs.

“Then I guess you’ll have to redo it until you get it.” She said heavily breathing at Ellie’s touch.

But instead of going further, they started kissing again. There was no rush anymore and they were both just enjoying each other’s presence. Dina smiled between the kisses and Ellie did the same. Everything felt perfect and Dina was about to talk to her and finally voice her feelings when she felt something weird on her face.

She stopped the kissing and looked at Ellie’s face, scared of seeing blood on it.

“Ellie you’re bleeding. Your nose.” She said a bit shocked and worried. She didn’t like blood.

There was a flash of horror on Ellie’s eyes, and she went to the bathroom, almost falling on the way. She went to the sink and started cleaning it, but the blood wouldn’t stop running.

“Does that happen often?” Dina asked grabbing a towel to help the girl, still surprised. Ellie didn’t say a word, she looked terrified and Dina didn’t know what was going on. Why was Ellie acting so strangely? Was she afraid of blood?

“Do you have phobia of blood? It’s okay, it’s gone now.” She said after cleaning what seemed to be the last of it.

“No, it’s not that.” Ellie said without thinking and cursed herself for it right away. The lie would have been convenient and she wasted it.

It wasn’t the first time her nose bled due to the cocaine. She wasn’t sure why sometimes it would bleed and others wouldn’t, and was insanely angry at the universe for letting that happen in front of Dina.

“Then why are you acting like that? Why is your nose bleeding? Are you sick?” Dina looked at Ellie’s trembling hands, scared of what was going on.

“NO!” Ellie rushed to say; the fear of Dina finding out about the cocaine taking over her. “It’s nothing, let’s go back to bed.” She pulled Dina’s hands, still shaking.

Dina followed her, still suspicous and wondering what was actually going on.

It hit her like a train.

How eletric and weird Ellie was that night when they fought. 

How her sleep was fucked; she had noticed in some nights how the other girl didn’t sleep at all, only when it was already morning and then on others – when she seemed insanely tired, perhaps for not sleeping on most nights - she slept like a baby. 

Eric talking about Ellie and that girl being weirdly high on parties. 

How the girl was becoming skinnier every day. 

How desperate to change the subject she was right now.

“It’s cocaine.” She said out loud. “You do cocaine.”

When Ellie didn’t say anything, just looked at her blankly she knew it was true.

“Oh my God.” She thought she was gonna pass out. “I can’t believe it."

Ellie stared at her for a while until she decided to spoke.

“It’s no big deal. I just do it to help me-“

“Do you hear yourself right now?!” Was Dina screaming? “Are you fucking stupid?” She pushed Ellie on the shoulders, deep down knowing this really wasn’t the best way to cope with the situation right now but at the same time not being able to think rationally. She was terrified. And the fact Ellie wasn’t saying or doing anything only made her angrier.

“This shit will kill you!” She screamed again, mad at the auburn girl for not taking care of her own body and mind.

“Well isn’t that the fucking point?!” There were tears Ellie’s eyes now as she finally lost her composure. The situation couldn’t get any worse.

Dina stayed quiet, completely shocked at everything and hurt at the girl’s words. Ellie looked like the most fragile person in the world right now and she wanted to help her more than anything. Then she decided to act on it.

“Where is it? I won’t let you do this.” She said going to open Ellie’s drawer, but the auburn tried to stop her.

“This isn’t your problem Dina.” She grabbed the shorter girl arms, but Dina resisted it and tried to free herself from Ellie’s hold, only to accidentaly smash the frame of Ellie’s mom, causing it to fall on the floor.

The glass around it shattered, just like Dina’s heart.

Ellie broke and dropped on the floor, picking it up and trying to fix it irrationally, not caring if the broken glass would hurt her.

Dina had noticed the picture before. The woman looked a lot like Ellie; it was defintely her mother. Sometimes she would notice Ellie starring at it with sad eyes at it when she thought Dina wasn’t looking.

And now the girl was kneeling in the floor trying to get it together in desperation.

“Ellie, I’m sorry. It was an accident.” Dina said with a shaky voice, wanting to kill herself for causing her this pain. More pain.

“I didn’t mean it “When Ellie didn’t say anything or move she touched her shoulders, trying to apologize again but then the taller girl got up and pushed Dina.

“Don’t you fucking touch me.” There were now tears coming down her freckled face. “You’re not my girlfriend Dina. And I swear, you tell Jesse about this the whole fucking country will know about us.” The hurt in her voice was unbearable.

“Ellie. Come on.” She was sure she was now crying too.

“Get out of here. Now.” The younger girl said through clenched teeth.

Dina obeyed her, even though she wanted nothing more than to just hug her. She made its way to her own room, her heart racing and Ellie’s broken voice echoing in her head.

_Isn’t that the fucking point?_

_Don’t you fucking touch me_

_You’re not my girlfriend Dina_

_The whole fucking country will know about us_

That last one was by far the worst. Did Ellie really think Dina still cared about that? After finding out about the cocaine? Dina just wanted to help her. She just didn’t want Ellie to lose herself on it.

But she messed everything up. She was conviced the young woman hated her right now. In Ellie’s eyes, her beautiful green eyes, Dina was someone who still thought Ellie was someone she would be embarassed to be seen with. Someone who cared more other people than anything else. Someone who wasn’t falling for her. Someone who just used her for sex. And now someone who broke the frame of her mother.

Dina wasn’t her girlfriend. She wasn’t even her friend.

She reached her room’s door and opened it, stepping in and falling on the bed right away. As soon as she fell, so did the tears on her face. How did she mess everything up?

Not to mention the pain of finding out about the cocaine. Was it recent? What did Jesse know about her drug issue? Was it already an addiction? Was she doing it right now to cope with everything?

_Isn’t that the fucking point?_

Did Ellie want to die? The thought of that made Dina physically sick.

She went there to tell Ellie about her feelings and all she did was hurt the girl’s ones. She was afraid of losing everything with her and well, that’s what had happened. But for her own fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter means a lot to me because i came up with that when i wrote the first one and back then i didn't know if i would actually write this fic. i'm glad i'm doing it. hopefully you'll like this angst just like i do. and without your comments i don't think i'd persist with it. so once again, thank you so much! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can someone from a not-so-hot country invite me over for some time? i can't handle 35 degrees every single day anymore

Her phone vibrated for the 10000th time (at least that’s what it seemed like) when she decided to turn it off. It was Saturday night and Dina felt numb. Ellie’s words were still stuck in her head and it didn’t seem like things would get any better. She knew hiding herself from her friends wasn’t really the smartest thing to do when she felt this bad but she truly just wanted to be alone.

Talia called her too but sadly, she lied to her sister saying nothing had happened. She couldn’t handle telling everything that happened with Ellie; how she messed up.

And her mind couldn’t stop wondering how was the girl right now. She should go there and check her but how could she? Ellie made it pretty clear Dina wasn’t her girlfriend and even told her to get out. So Dina would respect her decision.

Deep down, she was insanely ashamed of herself. She handled her relationship awfully since the beginning and it was only fair what happened in the end.

Before she could think of another thing to think and torture herself with her pain, there was a knock on her door. She opened it quickly, mainly because part of her was hopeful it was Ellie and she cursed herself for it.

“Hey, Ash.” She said trying to hide her sadness.

“Oh, so you’re alive.” Ashley said ironically, letting herself in.

Dina didn’t say anything else, just sat on her chair, looking at every place of her room but to her friend who was sat on the bed.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on with you?” Ashley asked half annoyed and half concerned.

“I don’t know what are you tal-“

“Dina come on!” Her friend lost her patience at this point. It was only fair. But Dina stayed silent, whishing she would disappear.

Ashley seemed to pick on that and got up from the bed, going where Dina sat. She hugged her friend and felt a wave of sadness when she noticed Dina was crying on her shoulder.

“Hey, babe, it’s okay.” Dina hugged her tighter, causing her heart to shatter. “How about I tell about my life, hm?”

When Dina didn’t respond Ashley just kept on talking, hoping her friend would feel better at some point.

“So, something really weird happened last night.. Eric told me he has feelings for me. Could you imagine that?” She asked with a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, I knew. He told me.” Dina answered honestly and weakly.

The black girl raised her eyebrow. “He did? Oh.” She bit her lip, not sure how she felt about this. “Well, anyway.. Jesse and I are great, I think I really him D. But I also feel bad for Eric and I really don’t wanna lose his friendship. What a situation, huh?”

Dina felt even worse for how she did not care at all. At least not right now. Her mind couldn’t let go of Ellie, but she was still glad her friend was trying to distract her from her thoughts.

But Ashley was a very smart girl and she understood it all. So she tried a different approach.

“Look, Dina. You don’t have to tell me anything, alright? I just really care about you and I can see, even Jesse, how you are not okay. You’ve been acting weird for a while and I don’t know for sure what’s going on but I suspect it has something to do with that girl you’ve been seeing. It’s completely fine if you don’t wanna talk about it but it’s not healthy to shut yourself like that. I’m your friend and that’s what friends are for.”

Ashley’s tone wasn’t accusatory or negative at all, and for the first time Dina felt like opening up. Her friend was right; keeping everything to herself would only made the pain even worse and she really didn’t want things to become worse than they already were.

She decided it was time to put an end to all the “Ellie being a secret” mess.

“It’s Ellie. Jesse’s former friend.” She said before it was too late. Ashley’s eyes showed a lot of surprise, as much as she tried to hide it after. But she didn’t say anything, just nodded as a sign for Dina to go on. “ I don’t know how it happened.. it just did. I never hated her, Ash. I guess I was always attracted to her and it infuriated me so much. But things stopped from being just sex to becoming something more and I really like her.” She paused and took a deep breath. “I like her.” Was she confessing that to Ashley or to herself?

“And why are you this sad? She doesn’t like you back?”

“The problem is that I treated her like shit, Ashley. I told her several times no one could find about us because I was ashamed of being seen with her. I did that out of pride and now I don’t know how to take it back. And we had a fight a few days ago and the way she talked to me.. she thinks I’m ashamed of her, Ashley.” She was crying again. “And she has a problem and I want to help her but I don’t know how. And I'm pretty sure she won’t let me.”

Ashley bit her lip, thinking on what to say. It was hard to give advice about a situation you don’t really know for sure all the details; specially when your best friend is apparently in love with someone she was supposed to dislike hard.

“Look, Dina, I don’t know the details of your relationship with her but I can see how much she means to you and how sad you are. I guess all you can do right now is be honest with Ellie and tell her what you just told me.” Maybe it wasn’t what Dina wanted to hear but it was all she could say. “All you can do right now is be honest with her, for once.” She reiterated.

 _I guess she’s right_. Dina thought. If there was one thing that lacked in their relationship was honesty and that’s precisely why everything went downhill.

They stayed in silence for a while until Dina decided to change the subject; she could think about something else.

“So, what about Eric?” She asked, and Ashley gave a nervous smile.

“I don’t know.. I really like him as a friend and of course he would be such a good boyfriend but things are going really good with Jesse.”

Dina smiled. “I guess everyone wants you, Ash. Who knew being this pretty would cause such a mess?” They both laughed at this. Dina was glad she had Ashley, the girl always knew how to make her feel better and she really considered going to Ellie’s and opening up about her feelings.

Maybe she would on the next day.

_________________

It was Sunday and Dina was standing in front of Ellie’s door for around ten minutes now, holding a package in her hands. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she was about to explode. She took several breaths before gaining courage to knock on the door. When she finally did it she considered running away and pretending she was never there in the first place but Ellie was way too quick to open it.

She looked awful. But still very much beautiful.

“Hi.” Dina said weakly, trembling.

Ellie didn’t say anything to her, she looked taken aback from Dina’s presence. The older woman thought for a second she should just leave but then it was gone and the courage was back. She would be honest with Ellie. It’s not like she didn't have anything to lose at this point anyway.

“Can I come in?” She asked and was very glad when Ellie nodded, giving her space to walk inside her room. She closed the door and looked at Dina with sad eyes, still completely silent.

“I bought you a new frame. For the picture of your mo.. for the picture. I’m sorry I broke it.” She said sincerely and handed the package to Ellie, who got it but didn’t open it. Instead, she placed it on her desk and sat on the bed, looking away. Her silence was killing Dina inside.

“Look, Ellie.. I know you probably don’t want anything to do with me and this is your right but I wanna be honest with you.” She inhaled. “I didn’t tell Jesse anything about what happened, but not because I don’t want him or anyone to know about us. I didn’t do it because I respect your feelings and although I truly believe it’s not the best idea to keep this to yourself, I don’t wanna help you in the wrong way. I already did the wrong way.” She said the last sentence with a humourless laugh.

Ellie was still silent and refusing to look Dina in the eye but Dina could see she was listening. So she kept saying what was in her heart.

“I don’t give a single fuck for what people think. Please don’t think I would be embarassed to be seen with you because I wouldn’t.” Her voice cracked at this and she felt a tear down her face. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way and I totally understand if you hate me for it but please know that it would be an honor to be seen with you, Ellie. You have no idea how amazing you are.” She was oficially crying now.

But that seemed to do it. Ellie looked at her with teary eyes and spoke in such a weak voice that Dina wanted to cry even harder.

“Please don’t say this kind of stuff if you don’t mean it.”

That made Dina pratically run at her and sit beside her on the bed, touching Ellie’s wet cheeks with her thumb.

“I mean it. God, you have no idea how much I mean it.” Both girls were crying now and Ellie pulled Dina by the shirt until they were hugging, letting her head rest on Dina’s shoulder, trying to hide her sobs.

“It’s okay, babe.” Dina said holding her tightly.

They didn’t know for how long they stayed like that but it felt like an eternity. Finally they calmed down and smiled sadly at each other; neither girl knew how to feel or what to think. So Ellie kissed Dina softly, hoping she would understand. Dina returned the kiss but stopped before things went further. It wasn’t the time for that.

“I’m sorry.” Dina said for what seemed like that the 100th time.

“I know.” Ellie replied.

“I’m so worried about you, Ellie.” She said interlacing their fingers together. “How have you been these days?”

“Not so good.” The auburn girl answered sincerely. She bit her lip and continued. “I did, after you left. I did the rest of the coke. I’m not planning on buying more, though.” She was hiding her face now, ashamed of herself. Dina noticed it.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed Ellie. Hey, look at me.” She grabbed Ellie’s face with her hands until green eyes were facing her. “I hate it but we’re gonna go through with this. We’re gonna move past this, El.” She said with strenght.

_We?_

_El?_

“Dina, you don’t have to do this. This is not your-“

“God, Ellie, shut up.” The black-haired woman kissed Ellie again, this time trying to say with a kiss what she couldn’t with words.

They kissed for a while but now it was Ellie’s turn to stop it. She felt exhausted and overwhelmed with everything that was happening right now and had happened in the past days.

“Can we just sleep?” She asked in a weak voice.

“Of course we can.” Dina answered quickly. It was afternoon and she wasn’t sleepy at all but she could see how tired Ellie looked and honestly? She just wanted to be next to her.

Ellie lied down facing the wall and felt Dina hold her waist from behind, the shorter girl pressing small, tender kisses to her neck. She smiled at this and didn’t take long for her to fall asleep in peace.

Dina noticed how the younger girl was alread sleeping and smiled; she was glad she was holding Ellie and she felt like never letting go of her.

_________________

Dina checked her phone and saw it was already getting a bit late and Ellie was still asleep in her arms. It felt like heaven but she wondered when was the last time the girl had a proper meal. She was way too skinny for her own good. So she pressed kisses to the girl’s neck until she stirred awake.

“Hey.” She said softly and Ellie mumbled a “hi” back. “I’m gonna go grab us something to eat, alright? If I order a delivery it will take too long and we could really use some food right now.” She felt Ellie squeezing her hand, then letting her go.

“Don’t be too long.” The auburn said and Dina smiled widely at that.

“I won’t. I promise.”

_________________

They were eating chinese take-outs and watching a random movie on Netflix. Ellie was eating like a starved person and Dina was worried at that, but happy at the same time because she was the one who apparently finally got her to eat something.

They finished the movie in silence and when Dina wondered if she should leave or not, Ellie hugged her, not letting her get up from the bed.

“Spend the night with me?”

The older woman felt like bursting out of happiness at Ellie’s request and nodded, kissing the girl with passion. She had never felt this good with anyone else before and didn’t know why but everthing felt so right with Ellie. It seemed crazy to think there was a time she didn’t like the girl and now here she was, feeling like the luckiest person in the world for being able to kiss Ellie like that.

She didn’t realize she was crying until Ellie spoke.

“Hey, what is it?” The younger woman asked with concern.

“Nothing.” Dina answered quickly and kissed her again.

_I’m just in love with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit too short but idk it just felt right
> 
> (and omg i really want a girlfriend after writing this)


	13. Chapter 13

The sound of the rain outside, the cold air and Ellie’s warm body were making it really hard for Dina to get up and go to class. The alarm went off and she turned it off immediately, angrier than ever at her phone. She got even closer to Ellie and hugged the girl, watching her slowly wake up from a heavy sleep.

Dina smiled at her and kissed her neck softly.

“Good morning.” It was barely a whisper.

“Morning.” Ellie replied with a smile, giving Dina a small peck on the lips.

“Did you sleep well?” The dark-haired woman asked, running her thumb over Ellie’s cheek.

“Yep. You wore me out last night.” The auburn girl answered, grabbing Dina’s hand and kissing it.

_After shaking the “i’m in love with you” thoughts, Dina started kissing Ellie with every fiber of her being, wanting more than anything to just be with the girl. She could feel how the younger girl was responding to her with the same intensity, and moved her hands until they were touching Ellie’s breasts._

_“You are so beautiful Dina. You are the prettiest girl on campus, I swear.” The girl under her panted and Dina’s heart raced at the words._

_Ellie was breathing heavily and giving quiet moans, just like she always did – turns out Dina was the loud one on the relationship – and groaned when the older woman pushed her underwear aside and ran a finger on her slit._

_“Can I take care of you? Please?” Dina asked with pure need and care._

_“Yeah, of course. Fuck.” She groaned when a finger entered her without warning. “You fuck me so good.”_

_Dina fingered her for a few minutes, circling her clit with a thumb, until she decided she wanted to taste her.. girlfriend? Friend? Hook up? Ellie. She wanted to taste her Ellie._

_And apparently Ellie wanted to be tasted by Dina too, because it didn’t take more than ten minutes of Dina’s mouth working on her for an orgasm to come._

“I’m so glad that you are here with me.” Ellie’s voice brought Dina back to reality, making her smile again.

“Me too. I don’t wanna get up.”

“Then don’t. Let’s stay in bed all morning.” Ellie offered, pressing small kisses to her neck.

“It’s wrong. We need to go to class” Dina replied, but tilting her head to give Ellie more access instead of making a move to actually get out of bed.

“All I need is to stay with you on my bed right now babe.” Ellie said without thinking much. She wasn’t fully awake yet.

Dina bit her lip, considering the possibilites. She sure knew going to class was by far the wiser option at the moment, but staying with Ellie felt like everything she needed. They both needed.

So she got up, ignoring Ellie’s protest but instead of dressing up she simply grabbed the frame she bought and placed the picture of Ellie’s mom on it, putting it on the drawer. She looked at the girl and saw a look of sadness, but still grateful.

“Thank you.” Ellie said with honesty.

“She’s beautiful. Just like you.” Dina said as she climbed back on bed, this time straddling Ellie and kissing her softly.

They remained like that for a while, until Ellie’s hands reached Dina’s boobs and she started touching it so, so softly it was making the girl on top of her lose her balance. That and the cold weather made them move and get under the covers again.

Dina could feel how Ellie was getting nervous and when she confirmed it when she laid on top of her and felt how the taller girl’s heart was pounding.

“Your heart is racing. Is everything okay?” She asked with concern.

“Yeah. I just..” _I’m not used to have sex with feelings and I don’t know how to do it_. “I’m just tired. It’s okay if we just sleep again?” Ellie asked weakily, if not even a bit ashamed. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to sleep more but it was the only good excuse she could find at the moment and honestly, being next to Dina was enough for her.

“Of course.” Dina rushed to say, pecking her lips one more time before moving to lie beside Ellie and hold her again. “We can do whatever you want.” She whispered, getting used to the vulnerability Ellie was showing her ever since the say before.

On the previous night, Ellie also stopped the sex when it her turn to recipocrate and Dina was confused; Ellie had never had a single problem with sex before and of course it wasn’t a big deal right now but Dina wondered what was going on. But she would wait to ask about it. Sex wasn’t nowhere near the most importante thing on her mind at the moment.

Deep down what Dina really wanted was to talk to the girl about everything, specially the cocaine situation. It killed her to know Ellie was using it and the worst is that she had no idea how big the problem was. But she also knew that it was dangerous territory and she couldn’t simply pick on the subject without care. She was afraid she would overstep and make Ellie push her away again. So she kissed Ellie’s back and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come but also satisfied to just be holding the girl she was in love with on her arms.

She didn’t really sleep after this, but instead watched the girl the entire morning, wanting the moment to never end.

_______________

After sleeping all morning – at least for Ellie -, both girls decided to finally get out of bed and eat something. The moment they stepped out of the room to go to some restaurant on campus, Ellie’s hands grabbed Dina’s, interlacing their fingers together. Dina smiled widely at that.

But when they reached set place, a girl from Dina’s class – she had no clue what her was – approached them and looked with curiosity to the couple, what caused Ellie to drop her hand immediately, panic on her eyes.

“Hi Dina. You didn’t show up today, is everything okay?” The girl asked.

“Hi.. yeah. It’s all fine.” She answered quickly “Excuse me, I gotta go.” She said in a rush to the whatever-her-name-was-girl when she saw Ellie sitting on a table a couple of meters away.

She sat beside her, worried that she might have done something to upset Ellie but had no idea what could it be.

“What’s wrong?”

Ellie felt small, but answered her nonetheless. “Nothing. I just didn’t know that we would find people you know here and.. I don’t know.” I don’t wanna embarass you. She obviously didn’t say that out loud but her behavior was more than enough for Dina to pick on what was happening. And she didn’t want Ellie to think that for a second more.

“I meant it everything I said yesterday, you know?” Dina told her, grabbing her hand again. “Don’t you think otherwise.”

“Okay.” Ellie nodded with a small smile.

If someone told Dina a couple of months before that one day she would be dating (were they dating though? _I hope we are_ ) and Ellie would end up being the insecure one, she would lose her mind. But here they were.

They ordered lunch and ate in silence, but in a comfortable way. Dina was about to ask Ellie to go back to her room after a small kiss when she heard Jesse’s voice, freezing immediately.

“Dina? And.. Ellie?” The boy was with Ashley, who gave her a apologetic smile, as if trying to say _it’s not my fault_. She looked at Ellie and saw that the girl was petrified.

“What the hell?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S SHORT AND I'M SORRY - I AM but i'm just so glad that i was finally able to write something after going through some sh1t.. i'm deeply sorry for my absence i know how much it sucks but hopefully i'll get back on track soon. i hope you guys enjoy it despite its lenght and i hope everyone's okay too :) fuck trump yeah?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for the feedback as always, you guys are amazing <3

“I can leave.” Was all Ellie could say at the moment she realized Jesse had “caught” them. It wasn’t nowhere near the correct term considering they weren’t hiding anymore, instead actually going out as a couple ( _at least I think we are one_ ) for the very first time; saying they caught them was ironic and awful.

But she supposed that’s what it feels like when you finally see someone you’ve been avoiding for God knows how long, and in a situation that had some.. _explaining_ to do. The fact she was seeing someone and not just for sex was odd in the first place; the last time she dated a girl was two years ago, a girl named Cat and quite frankly? It was only and not really that serious. Jesse and her Family knew her and she knew Cat’s Family as well but looking back it was much more a friends with benefits thing than an actual, serious relationship.

But that was fine. Even the most unattached person in the world could date at one point in their life and she was sure Jesse knew that. What had _explaining_ to do was the fact this person was _Dina_. A friend of him she was supposed to despise.

And that wasn’t even the worst of the current situation.

The worst part is that now she would have to face one of the things she was hurting from throughout the last months: her situation with Jesse.

When Jesse found out about her drug use – finding a bag of cocaine she had forgotten to hide on her room – the boy freaked out, causing a very high Ellie to freak out as well. What happened is that she lost control of the situation and even punched him, saying awful things and even threatening him by saying “don’t you ever think about telling Joel or I’ll fucking kill you Jesse”. They both knew Ellie would never kill anyone and she said it out of anger and desperation but the way she lashed out at him hurt them both. Jesse was her best friend and he really didn’t deserve any of it.

After that they never spoke to each other again, much to Ellie’s pain.

How do you say “hey I’m sorry I was the worst to you I actually really fucking miss you and I hate myself for the way I treated you and by the way I started fucking your friend you thought I hated and now I think I’m pretty much in love with her and I think she’s falling for me too which is really weird considering you know how much I think of myself as a non-loving person BUT whatever wanna go to my and play Fortnite”?

“What? No. You don’t have to leave. Jesse, Ellie and I are together.” Dina’s voice brought her back to reality, and she didn’t have proper time to be happy at the “Ellie and I are together” because Jesse spoke again, remembering her what was going on.

“Is this a joke?” The boy didn’t seem mad at all, but confused and completely lost. The girl with him, Ashley, was looking at Dina with an apologetic look.

“No, it’s not.. a lot happened, and we are together now. Have a sit you two, we’ll talk about it.” Dina seemed.. happy? Well it wasn’t weird considering she was now surrounded by her friends and her girlfr.. whatever.

But Jesse ignored her completely and turned back on Ellie.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything? Is this true?” He asked his former friend.

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally spoke again.

“Yeah. We are together.” She said meeting his eyes and he knew she was being honest. “Look Jesse I’m sorry..” But she was interrupted by the girl Ashley, much to her relief.

“Guys. I think me and Dina could eat right now and you two really need to talk. Is that alright?” She asked with certainty but still a bit cautious.

After a long moment of silence, Jesse spoke again.

“A walk on the campus sounds nice. Doesn’t it Ellie?”

“Yeah, it does” she managed to say and stood up. “I’ll see you later?” She asked Dina, who held her hand.

“Of couse. Is everything alright?” The way Dina seemed to care so much about her felt like a dream and a nightmare at the same time.

“Yes.” She said with a nervous smile and pecked Dina on the lips before joining Jesse on his way to the open part of the campus. _It’s not like it could get worse._

\----------------------

They walked for around two minutes until Jesse stoped and sat on a bench, motioning for her to join him, as she did. They stayed quiet for a few more seconds but Ellie had had enough of it.

“I don’t think I can tell you how sorry I am.” She said not meeting his eyes. “You were just worried about me, the same way I would be in a reverse situation. I was high as fuck but that doesn’t justify it.”

“Look, Ellie.. I’m the one who should be apologizing here. Yes, please let me apologize to you.” He said after seeing her confused look. “Our fight was awful indeed and you really lost your temper but I shouldn’t have just disappeared like that after. You were, are, my best friend and I just fucking let you alone all this time. Knowing what you’re dealing with.” His voice showed how sad he was at himself, and he didn’t stop at that. “I guess the longer I took to reach out for you again the harder it got to do so. I wanted to, so fucking bad, but I didn’t know how. You know what I’m saying?”

Ellie nodded and they went quiet again.

“She knows.” Ellie spoke again. “We had a fight, not as bad as ours.. I think I was sadder than angrier at ther. Honestly, I had no reason to be angry at her or to you. Anyway, I snapped at her but she came back and..” She took a big breath. “I think I’m falling for her Jesse. And I think she might be falling for me too.”

“Why do you sound so sad about this? It’s great Ellie. I don’t know or understand how the hell did that happen but I’m happy.” He said sincerely.

“You know why.” And she dropped her head, wanting to just disappear.

He hugged her at that, knowing well what was going on.

“All I know is that you are a really amazing person, Ellie. You are caring, smart, funny. Remember when my parents wanted us to be together? That was for a reason.” He said with a laugh at the end, causing her to laugh too.

“Too bad I’m a raging lesbian I guess.”

He hugged her tighter. “All I’m saying is you deserve to love and to be loved. I love you, Joel loves you, Tommy and Maria love you, Dina loves you and I’m sure Ashley, who by the way is my girlfriend, will love you too once she gets to know you.”

She let a tear fall with those words and hugged him back.

“Really? That hot girl is dating you? Doesn’t she know better than that?!” She said playfully.

“Oh, fuck off!”

They were both laughing.

\----------------------

Later that day, Dina was sitting in Ellie’s bed, waiting the girl to get back from the bathroom so they could sleep.

She was rethinking her entire crazy day. Apparently Jesse and Ellie’s issue had been something really serious and she had been silly to think they would eat together and just be done with it. After the encounter, she ate with Ashley, anxiously thinking what was going on with the two. But when they returned things looked good, though she noticed Ellie had a “I just cried” look.

Her and Ashley waited for them to eat in silence, neither girl knowing what to say. When they finished, Ellie and Jesse said their goodbyes and something about meeting up on the next day. After that, Ellie asked her to spend the rest of the day with her and Dina of couse took the offer, dying to know what was going on her lover’s life.

Sadly, Ellie denied her that, saying she was exhausted and they could talk about it later. Not wanting to push her buttons, Dina accepted and they spent the rest of the day studying and playing a stupid yet fun game called “Fortnite”. Needless to say Dina sucked at it.

The raven-haired girl smiled when Ellie finally emerged from the bathroom and lied beside her.

“Hi.”

“Hi babe.” Dina kissed her. “Wanna talk now?” She asked cautiously and not forcing Ellie, but showing her the possibility was there. Much to her disappointment, Ellie declined.

“We can talk about it tomorrow.”

Before she got frustated at they way her... girl was postponing things, she felt strong arms around her and very soft lips on her neck. “I want you.” Ellie said with such conviction Dina got wet only at that.

They kissed and touched for several minutes, not taking their clothes of but in a very sexual way. After a rock of Dina’s hips, Ellie pulled the girl’s underwear aside and felt her up.

“I love how easy it is to make you wet for me, God.” She said biting on Dina’s ear and running a finger through wet folds. “You’re such a good girl.” Dina thought she might came from that.

Ellie teased her a bit more but finally entered her with two long fingers, looking at ther with a tender and sexy look. Dina put a hand on her neck and brought the girl’s lips to hers, not wanting not to kiss Ellie.

They stayed like that for some time when Dina started giving signs she was getting close, and Ellie spoke on her ear again.

“I want you to be my girlfriend. I want everyone to know that.” Where was this coming from? Dina didn’t know but that made her come with a loud groan, watching how Ellie looked at ther with heart eyes.

“I’m already your girlfriend, babe. It just took us a while to notice that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think my writer's block is finally going away.. does that mean longer chapters? HOPEFULLY.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have good news: Nekko is editing this fic, so it'll def be better for you all to read :) thanks a lot Nekko!

“This is it. I’m leaving and never coming back. I hate you so much.” Ellie said with a nervous voice and feeling her cheeks redden. “And you,” she pointed at her girlfriend “are supposed to stay on my side! How the fuck are you laughing about this?!”

Dina and Ashley were laughing like hell, enjoying how Ellie was embarrassed.

“Oh, come on Els,” Ashley ignored the annoyed look Ellie gave her at the nickname “Jesse and Dina slept together, it’s only fair you and I do the same! Just imagine how hot the sex would be.”

“Oh. My. God.” Ellie groaned.

“Hey Ash, stop torturing my girlfriend. You know how shy she gets,” Dina reminded her, hugging the younger girl and still laughing a little bit. She planted a kiss on Ellie’s cheek. “She’s joking, babe. Besides, I’m not sharing you with anyone.” 

Dina looked at Ashley with a serious expression, until she dropped her facade and laughed again.

“Okay, okay, you guys win. But at least I tried.” The friend surrendered with a dramatic expression.

If Dina didn’t know how Ashley was pretty much the straightest girl on the planet, she would be a little concerned. Since she knew that and also trusted her a lot, she found it really hard not to laugh at the “proposal”, knowing fully well her friend was joking. The fact Ellie was not-so-surprisingly shy outside of bed made it all even funnier.

In fact, Dina was quite happy at the interaction because it only meant how her girlfriend and best friend were getting along; she knew Ashley would never make such a joke with someone she disliked; this just meant she was comfortable enough to tease Ellie. And Ellie had already told her how much she liked Ashley and thought the girl was funny and an amazing girlfriend to Jesse and friend to Dina.

The three of them were sitting on the grass in a place – Dina found out – which Ellie and Jesse loved. The boy was missing due to a soccer training so of course Ashley used the opportunity to tease Ellie.

“You’re the worst.” Ellie groaned again to Ashley, but gave her a smile right after to show she wasn’t being serious.

“Nope. I’m pretty much the best. Hey, do you have any pot on you? It’s been ages since I got high,” Ashley said casually and Dina felt Ellie tense in her arms.

“Drugs” were the biggest elephant in the room in their relationship. It had been three weeks since the “girlfriend request” moment and Ellie still wouldn’t talk to her about it. Every time Dina tried to bring the subject, her girlfriend would somehow distract Dina from it; sometimes she would say “not right now” or “we can talk about it later” with a charming smile and sometimes she would even kiss Dina to make her forget about it.

Dina didn’t necessarily complain when that happened because she knew Ellie was most likely doing so out of insecurity and not because she was misleading Dina, but still it wasn’t good to see her girlfriend wasn’t opening up to her. She was afraid Ellie would keep everything to herself and it would eventually explode inside her.

“Uh, not today Ash.” She offered her friend with a pout, wanting the subject to be over.

“Eh, that’s alright. I think I’m going then, gotta finish some stuff before meeting with Jesse. See you two on the weekend?” The girl asked, already getting up from the ground.

“Yeah, of course. Say hey to Jesse for me.” Dina answered.

“For us.” Ellie, now less tense, corrected her. Ashley smiled and walked away.

“You okay?” Dina asked Ellie, intertwining their fingers together.

“Yeah. It’s no big deal,” her girlfriend offered, not really comfortable at the moment.

“It kind of is, actually-“

“Dina. Not right now. Please,” Ellie cut her off, annoying the hell out of Dina.

“Then fucking when?” She sounded harsher than she intended.

Ellie took her hand away and detached herself from Dina’s hold, picking her bag to leave. “We were having such a great day,” she mumbled.

“Ellie, don’t go. We should talk about this.” Dina pleaded. “I’m your fucking girlfriend, alright?”

“Oh, so does that mean I have to humiliate myself in front of you?” She was standing up right now, ready to leave. Dina got up from the ground to match her.

“This isn’t humiliation! This is me trying to help you. Don’t you know how a relationship works?!” It came out of her mouth before she could help; the look of hurt in Ellie’s eyes told her how unfortunate that last sentence was. Her girlfriend had talked to her before about how she was new to relationships and how she was afraid of messing things up with her because of it. Dina Always assured her it was nonsense and didn’t want her to think otherwise.

“Hey, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry baby. Can you sit down with me?” She tried to grab a hold of Ellie, but the younger one shook her hand away.

“I’ll see you later I guess,” Ellie left, looking down the whole time.

“Fuck!” Dina muttered to herself, anger and frustration taking over her. Before she could process the whole thing and think of something, she heard a very much infuriating voice.

“Wow. What did you do to piss Ellie off like that?”

She turned around and met a blonde, gorgeous girl with a familiar face. Where did she know this girl from?

“Who the fuck are you?” Maybe she shouldn’t be this rude to someone she couldn’t even recognize properly but the grin on the girl’s face was making her blood boil. No way this person was her friend.

“I’m Rachel, sweetie. You might have seen me around with Ellie. I’ve been wondering why she’s gone but apparently she’s just having some fun with you. Guess I’ll wait until she grows bored.”

Dina wanted to scream. This was the girl Ellie hooked up casually and did drugs with at parties. What she wanted was to punch her even if it was an overreaction and not the wisest thing to do but frankly, her day was already awful and she didn’t need anything to make it even worse. She decided to give that Rachel girl a polite answer. Kind of.

“We’re dating. Like, an actual relationship,” She said with a smile.  _ Something you never had with her, I’m sure. _

She certainly wasn’t expecting Rachel to  _ laugh _ at this.

“Oh, I’m sure you are. You and every other sapphic in the campus. Anyway, I have to go now, but say hi to her from me, will you?” And then she simply left, leaving Dina dumb-folded and wanting to punch a wall.

How come her fun day with Ellie and Ashley turned into a complete nightmare?

When Ellie made it to her room she felt much calmer, yet frustrated at herself. She shouldn’t have stormed off like that, but at the moment she simply couldn’t help it. First, Dina tried one more time to talk to her about her problems, the elephant in the room. Why couldn’t Dina just let go?  _ It’s not like I’m using anything again _ . She said to herself before the thought of ‘ _ She’s actually right and you know keeping this to yourself will only make things worse’ _ could invade her mind.

Then Dina said that and Ellie’s insecurity hit her like a train.

Being in a relationship with a girl like Dina made Ellie question all the time how the fuck did she get this lucky. Her girlfriend could have anyone and for some reason she chose her, even with all her problems. She tried not to overthink it but sometimes it was just too hard. And storming off during an argument certainly wasn’t something wise to do.

She dropped her bag on the floor and lied on her bed, staring at the ceiling. A few minutes late,r her phone started to vibrate and she gave an honest smile as she saw Maria’s name on screen.

“Hey, Maria! How are you?”

_ “Hey sweetie! I’m fine, what about you? Missing you like hell, you know?” _ Her aunt sounded happy and concerned at the same time.

Ellie was trying to talk more to them and she even texted Joel almost daily now, but still wasn’t ideal.

“I’m good too, and I miss you all so much, you have no idea.” It was so, so true.

_ “I’m glad. I’m calling you to confirm you are coming next week? You have a break, am I right?” _

“Oh yeah, I’m coming, yes.”  _ Maybe this is my chance to make up to Dina?  _ “Hey, Maria... I might bring someone with me.” She bit her lip.

_ “Oh?” _ Maria sounded surprised.

“I mean, I didn’t ask her yet to come. But it’s a possibility, I’ll talk to Joel about it later too.” 

_ “Her? Is she your girlfriend Ellie?” _ Now her aunt was sounding very much enthusiastic, and Ellie’s cheeks were burning. Talking about these things with her family always made her embarrassed.

“Yes, she is.” She said too quickly, knowing her aunt would be smirking on the phone. “I really want you to meet her and vice-versa. Hopefully, she’ll come.”

_ “We’ll be very happy to meet her, Ellie. I have to go now, but you will tell me when you’re sure, right?” _

“I will, don’t worry. Bye, miss you.”

Maybe giving Maria – and herself – false hope wasn’t such a good idea but now she was excited and anxious to ask Dina about it. Her girlfriend hadn’t mentioned anything about going home on break so she knew there was a chance she would accept her invitation.

She scrolled until she got to Dina’s number, and texted her.

_ Ellie: hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stormed off like that. Can I see you tonight? i wanna talk to you about something _

She sent the message and decided to eat something until Dina’s answer, so she left her room and went to a small café to grab something.

On the other side of campus, Dina was in the worst mood possible due to the previous events of the day.

She was glad Rachel had left before she could process her words because Dina thought she might have punched the girl if she had waited just a little longer. The thought of Ellie kissing and worst, sleeping with the blonde made her blood boil and she knew this had happened several times. Not to mention the other girls her girlfriend had slept with. And the fact Rachel suggested Dina was just one of them.

Dina was about to punch a wall.

Although she trusted Ellie, deep down she was letting Rachel’s words get to her. What if she got bored of her? Maybe she would grow tired of being in a relationship and would eventually leave her to go back to the party days. Ellie only needed to step into a party and then every non-straight girl would automatically be interested.

She was so nervous she didn’t even see the message Ellie had sent her, so when her girlfriend knocked on the door after a couple of hours, she was taken aback.

“Ellie,” Dina whispered, not expecting to see her girlfriend.

“Can I come in?” Ellie asked hesitantly. “You didn’t answer my text.”

“Oh. I- I didn’t see it. I’m sorry.” She made room for Ellie to enter and closed the door, upset that she didn’t check her phone.

“I said I wanted to ask you something. Can you sit here with me?” Ellie asked sitting on Dina’s bed. Dina joined her and felt her heart racing when Ellie took her hands and held them. What was going on?

“I want to apologize for storming off earlier.. I know you want to help me and hopefully I’ll be able one day to talk to you about things.=,” She paused. “But right now it’s really hard for me. I want to be a good girlfriend and-“

“Hey,” Dina stopped her. “You are amazing Ellie. You’re not obligated to-”.

“Please let me finish,” Ellie stopped her. The younger girl was visibly nervous. “Remember when I told you about my family?” She asked.

Dina quirked a brow at the question. “Yes. Joel adopted you, and he has a brother, Tommy? And his wife Maria?” Ellie had mentioned them before, warming Dina’s heart at how much she seemed to love them.

“Yes. Well, I want you to meet them. I thought we could go there next week?” When Ellie saw Dina didn’t answer right away, she added quickly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“Ellie. Oh my God,” Dina said, letting out a huge breath. “Of course I want to.”

_ Was that a tear coming down her face? _

Ellie saw it and ran a finger on her girlfriend’s face, happy but not understanding what was fully going on. “Why are you crying?”

_ Because I’m an idiot and you’re perfect. _

“I just,” She let out another breath she was holding. “I ran into that... friend of yours. Rachel. She ran into me, actually. Right after you left earlier.” The taller woman withdrew her hand, stiffening and the shorter one noticed her panicking. “Hey. Everything’s fine, babe.” Dina said kissing Ellie right after. “I’m sad because she said stupid things and I kinda let it get to me. And you were thinking about me meeting your family. I lo-“ But she stopped.  _ Are we at that stage yet? _ “You’re so good to me and I’m so stupid.” 

_ Did she notice what I almost said? _

The way Ellie stayed silent for a few seconds made her think the answer was yes. But she finally spoke.

“What did she tell you?” Her gaze was worried.

Dina exhaled. “In a nutshell, that you are just having fun with me and you basically do that to ‘all the other sapphics on campus’. Her words.” Ellie frowned hard at that. “I know that’s not true,” Dina ran her thumb on Ellie’s cheek.

“I don’t want her saying these things to you. Or to me.”

“I know.”

They stayed quiet for some time, Dina planting kisses on Ellie’s neck, but more in a comfort way than sexual.

Ellie’s phone vibrated and she looked at it to see a text from Maria.

Maria: what does your girlfriend like to eat?

She smiled at it.

“So, my aunt wants to know what to cook for you.”

“Oh, so I kinda love her already!”


End file.
